UK General Election 2015

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Cameron has told the Queen that the election campaign has started. This basically means that the newspapers will be insufferable for the next 4 weeks, bombarding our minds with their bias and trying to tell us what to think.

My coverage of the election will be completely balanced. The options are:

The posh toff with the shiny forehead
The wimpy toff with a brother who would have been PM if it wasn't for the unions
A broken man who used to stick up for young voters but sold his soul for a sniff of power
The posh toff who hates foreigners, is best mates with the bankers and makes people think he's 'down to Earth' because he likes a smoke and a pint
Or if you're Scottish you'll be voting for a woman with unusually neat hair.

So with Parliament officially dissolved who is in charge of the country? Boris Johnson? Roy Hodgson?