※ Vivaldi Mercedes-Ferrari
Driver 1: Pastor Maldonado (#13) (£6 mln)
Driver 2: Nico Hülkenberg (#27) (£10 mln)
Reserve driver: Jean-Éric Vergne (#π) (£1 mln)
Chassis: Mercedes (£20 mln)
Engine: Ferrari (£11 mln)
Double points: UAE
Team budget: 48 mln
Main sponsor: Vivaldi browser (Technical preview)


Press release:
In an unprecedented move Mercedes decided to switch it dominant power unit to one delivered by Ferrari. In even more shocking news, they decided to fire reigning champion Lewis Hamilton and replace him with Pastor Maldonado. “We’ve already proven that our car is the fastest” says team boss. “Now we want to prove it’s also the safest one and I’m sure that signing Pastor is the right decision.” The team’s second driver will be, no surprise here considering his nationality, Nico Hülkenberg. “Nico has a particularly strong record of not finishing on podium” team boss continues. “We hope he will display similar strong form with us and keep his record untarnished. We’ve already got lots of stuff labeled ‘Nico’ from the past years so I’m sure he will fit well within the team.”
He also gave us some reflections on the past season. “Fans complained about our domination. With current lineup we’ll try our best to stay away from any potential podium. We put our trust in Maldonado, that with his outstanding racecraft he will produce some amazing pile-ups to spice up the usually dull and boring races, that will be remembered for years.”
After being released by Scuderia Toro Rosso Jean-Éric Vergne found his new home as Mercedes’ reserve drive. “We don’t know how he got here” says engine department director. “He jumped out of one of the boxes with the engines. We were really surprised. It turns out Ferrari runs some kind of loyalty program and gives away free drivers with every engine. One of our mechanics mistook him for some lose part and attached him to the exhaust. It radically improved the sound but it didn’t pass the scrutineering, FIA considering him a movable aero device.”
During the presentation the team announced their new sponsor. Marketing director spoke to us about the new deal. “They don’t know they are sponsoring us. I hope they won’t notice until the end of season.”
With the beginning of new season lurking from the next corner, team boss gives his final message to the fans. “We can’t wait to hear the gentle whistles produced by our new turbo engine, so do our casual fans. Please give us thumbs up on assbook.com. It means more for us than any championship.”