Thx Schmenke, your post was all I needed at this moment. Or as we call it here, it was “the candy on coliva” ( coliva being the food that orthodox christians prepare for the dead's soul ). Don't worry, you may not sound insensitive, you really are. I'm really sorry for posting nonsense on this forum and creating you unwanted discomfort. Sometimes I need to share my emotions and I simply don't realise it means nonsense for the others. But even if I did I should have posted that. At the end of the day the title thread is talk about anything that's on your mind and we are humans ( me at least ) and have ups and downs so we're not supposed to post only positive things. I suppose that even when you go at the movies you don't pick up only the ones with a happy end. You have to accept that some of us aren't geniuses and post a lot of nonsense ( not to mention how much c*ap was written here ). I'm also not very fond of many of your posts, I find you too rational and cold as ice but I never said it. It's a public forum, anyone may say whatever they want as long as they respect the forum rules.. If you consider I break them you're free to ignore my posts like most of the people do or report your complaints to the mods. We belong to different cultures, have different backgrounds and education, live in different societies and environments, have different life experiences, and this leaves a different fingerprint on our personalities. I never expected that a cold blooded northener like you would understand a latin macedonian like me but I'm OK with this. Why can't you be too?
What you posted ( I've always found her constant narcissism and self-pity for attention on this form intolerable) is the most painful thing I've read about me since I joined the forums, even worse than Ioan's or Spa's insults. I'm not at all that drama queen begging for attention. Why should I beg for sympathy from people who don't know who I am ? Don't éven think there are more than 3 guys on the forum who know my real short name....If I was like that, my posts would have sound different as most people, esp. on forums, would like a light conversation and having fun ( cos that's why they come here, isn't it? ) and avoid gloomy persons like me. And facebook is full of such attention seekers( not to say imposters) who pretend to be perfect running a perfect life. If I want I can also play that role and really grab attention but I really don't. I think my posts on this forum revealed more of a portrait of a plain ordinary person with nothing special about her. It's an aspect I always insisted on.
Maybe I make the mistake to think that if I feel down then this doesn’t mean that I'm bad and if I'm depressed then this doesn’t mean that I'm inadequate. I thought it just means that I'm a human. It's probably also a mistake to practice emotional honesty on this forum instead of running the usual superficial conversations. I try as much as I can to avoid the former. As you see I've said that I want to die without saying why and without claiming that I'll do something to harm myself. I just felt that way for reasons that are too personal to be shared with unknown people on a forum. I promise to think about this next time when I'll find myself helpless at 3 o'çlock in the night when it's not possible to call up family or friends and can''t post on facebook where 70% of “friends”are people from work who can't wait to report my weakness to the big boss.
Have a nice weekend!
( Definitely you spoilt mine )


PS. No offence, but I still wanna die.