Joke Time

[Eki]

Why didn't Luke Skywalker go to the other side?

[Eki]

Why didn't Luke Skywalker go to the other side?

He was afraid to cross the road.

[AstonMartin]

a polish woman says to her husband: from now on we'll have sex like in the Olympics.
the husband asks: faster, higher, stronger?
the woman: no, once every 4 years.

[markabilly]

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a moderator on an airplane. The moderator just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the moderator offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The moderator figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The moderator first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the moderator looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her bra without comment, but the mod insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

and if you still don't know, email me $50 via paypal and I will tell you.....

[Eki]

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[CarlMetro]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry:
'9.'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[CarlMetro]

Build a man a fire and he's warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

[markabilly]

markabilly was driving along late one evening when he saw a lady hitch hiking. He stopped and gave her a ride. Once she was in the car, he noticed that she was very ugly. Lots of wrinkles; a big wart on her nose with long hairs growing out of it; long stringy hair; and dressed all in black. He figured that she was already in the car, he'd just be pleasant until he dropped her off so he asked her what she did. She said "I'm a witch.". markabilly though this was quite funny so he laughed and said "No, really, what do you do?". She said "Listen Buster, I'm a witch and I don't like people making fun of it, so stop your laughing or I'm going to put a spell on you.". At this, markabilly almost ran off the road he was laughing so hard. She said "That's it, I warned you." and leaned over and whispered in his ear. Sure enough in just a few minutes markabilly turned into a motel.

True story. I know. I was there. And she whispered, "you wanna see Starter and me....."







Afterwards, my eyesight ain't never been the same.

[donKey jote]

Markabilly got circumcised the other day...

Apparently Starter kicked his sister in the jaw

[markabilly]

Markabilly got circumcised the other day...

Apparently Starter kicked his sister in the jaw

I just wish Starter had not got so jealous and kicked his sister like that. No more threesomes with them, that is for sure.