Richard,

You’ll no doubt be interested to hear how the Farnborough Show went at the weekend, given how committed you are to the V8 Trophy series.

The great news is that it went extremely well, with thousands of fans crowding the display throughout both days, especially when we started the engines and made a noise to rival most of the roar from the air!

We’ve all got bad backs from lifting hundreds of spindly (and not so spindly!) children in and out of the cars, and there’s no doubt that many of the resulting photos will show up online and provide much-needed PR.

It would have been nice to have had more cars there, but you can’t blame Colin White for pulling out after you conned us all with your fairy stories about sponsorship from Mars. For all the truth in that one, maybe you meant the planet, rather than the confectionery giant. We’re just kicking ourselves for being drawn in again by your elaborate fabrications.

Of course, you were always going to get found out in the end, and your silence when you were asked to transfer the non-existent funds last week said all we needed to know.

Anyway, the other really good news is that we’ve finally been able to rid ourselves of one of the most persistently irritating dreamers to blight our concerted efforts to rebuild our great series. Any remaining shred of credibility we may have been allowing your unfeasible yarns has now completely disappeared.

I would imagine you’re a little disappointed, as you no longer have an audience to play out your weird fantasies to. In case you’re left with any doubt over the result of your actions of the last couple of weeks, let me spell it out to you –

Nobody involved with the V8 Trophy series, Rockingham, or oval racing in the UK in general, will ever take you seriously again. In fact, nobody even wants to see you, hear you or speak to you again!

(Actually, that’s not strictly true, as quite a few people I met at the weekend would like to have a very brief one-way conversation with you. I think there was also some mention of a desire to insert a wheel gun in a completely inappropriate hole, but I was too squeamish to listen to it all. I hope I managed to convince them that paying you any further attention was more than you deserved, and would give you a completely unjustified opportunity to make up some more semi-plausible stories)

So, this is goodbye from all of us. Feel free to turn your attentions to another hobby where your over-active imagination can run wild. You’re also welcome to buy a ticket to come and watch us anytime, if only to marvel at how we could possibly have managed without you!

Yours with great relief,

Skid, Duane, Tony, Neil, all the car owners, drivers and fans.