Homophobia

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BDunnell

I believe one should always strive for the best outcome for any individual.

---

Yes, absolutely.. and I did say that if it turned out to be the case I'd still love and support him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BDunnell

I can't see how your stance does the best for anyone except those meting out homophobic abuse.

---

I'm not homophobic but as a heterosexual man naturally I am not 'pro gay'. I just don't see how my stance of hoping my son doesn't turn out to be gay (because he would likely suffer for it) is actually supportive of those meting out homophobic abuse.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zico

I have two boys and hope neither of them turn out to be gay.. not because I have anything against gay people but because (in the West coast of Scotland) I'd imagine life would become very difficult for them.

---

I don't think its a bad thing to say that as a preference you don't want you children to be gay, but as long as you can accept whatever you children turn out to be and not do what some parents do and hold it against them. They will be what they will be and its a parents duty to love and support their children IMO. I've heard of a few mixed experiences from friends and family members who have 'come out' to their parents and its often quite difficult process that is met with anger and denial from their parents when its first broke. I think the first thing that goes through the parents mind is the loss of potential grandchildren, likes its their right that has been taken away. Whenever I've asked a gay person if they were given the choice would they be gay, their answer is of course not but I didn't really have a choice. I hope if any of my children in future turn out to be gay that I am sensitive and loving enough to give them the support they need. I think my wife would be due to her brother living with his same sex partner.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SGWilko

Whilst, prima facie, unfair, perhaps that is a natural way to keep population numbers in check.

---

I could agree more with that than singling out gay people as not suitable. If it is a case of population numbers I wouldn't argue it is an issue and do we really need more people on the planet. But as a parent I would not like to think my views would prevent any other person from experiencing being one too, particularly based on a factor such as their sexuality.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zico

I'm not homophobic but as a heterosexual man naturally I am not 'pro gay'.

---

Why 'naturally'? And what do you mean by 'pro-gay'? The reverse — saying that, as a gay man, I am naturally not 'pro-straight' — would be and is nonsensical.

I would have thought everyone should be 'pro-good human beings', without sexuality coming into it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zico

I just don't see how my stance of hoping my son doesn't turn out to be gay (because he would likely suffer for it) is actually supportive of those meting out homophobic abuse.

---

Because, if someone stays in the closet as a result of fear of abuse, it means those responsible for said abuse have 'won'. Rather, they should be stood up to and their views challenged, rather than those views being the cause of people not coming out.

I don't think its unreasonable for a parent to hope their children are straight, but support whatever they turn out to be. That's not being anti gay its just a paternal instinct. In an ideal world first we want our children to be healthy, happy, and confident within themselves. It might seem selfish but we also want our children to grow up, get married, have children and follow in our footsteps. It doesn't always work out like that but its our duty to support our children and make sure they are happy. That's when the selfish hopes have to take a back seat IMO. I don't think what Zico said was unreasonable to be honest. He gives the impression he'd be a supportive father regardless.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by henners88

I don't think its unreasonable for a parent to hope their children are straight, but support whatever they turn out to be. That's not being anti gay its just a paternal instinct. In an ideal world first we want our children to be healthy, happy, and confident within themselves. It might seem selfish but we also want our children to grow up, get married, have children and follow in our footsteps. It doesn't always work out like that but its our duty to support our children and make sure they are happy. That's when the selfish hopes have to take a back seat IMO. I don't think what Zico said was unreasonable to be honest. He gives the impression he'd be a supportive father regardless.

---

If I had even the slightest impression that my parents would rather I'd been straight, I wouldn't be happy. I'd also take issue with the 'paternal instinct' bit, since not all parents — thankfully, I might add — have the same instincts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by henners88

I don't think its unreasonable for a parent to hope their children are straight, but support whatever they turn out to be. That's not being anti gay its just a paternal instinct. In an ideal world first we want our children to be healthy, happy, and confident within themselves. It might seem selfish but we also want our children to grow up, get married, have children and follow in our footsteps. It doesn't always work out like that but its our duty to support our children and make sure they are happy. That's when the selfish hopes have to take a back seat IMO. I don't think what Zico said was unreasonable to be honest. He gives the impression he'd be a supportive father regardless.

---

The way I see it, hoping your kid turns out to be straight is a lot like hoping he/she turns out to be right-handed.

We don't consider it a problem, though, if the child turns out to be left-handed, so why should a parent regret if his/her child turns out to be gay?

Grandchildren? Well, grandchildren are possible if gays are allowed to adopt.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EuroTroll

The way I see it, hoping your kid turns out to be straight is a lot like hoping he/she turns out to be right-handed.

We don't consider it a problem, though, if the child turns out to be left-handed, so why should a parent regret if his/her child turns out to be gay?

Grandchildren? Well, grandchildren are possible if gays are allowed to adopt.

---

Exactly. I find it all very strange. 'I love you, but I'd still rather you were X'. 'I love you' should never, ideally, be followed by the word 'but'.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BDunnell

Why 'naturally'? And what do you mean by 'pro-gay'? The reverse — saying that, as a gay man, I am naturally not 'pro-straight' — would be and is nonsensical.

---

Fair enough... By 'pro gay' I mean someone who promotes that lifestyle, seriously... you don't ever meet genuinely straight gay activists do you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BDunnell

Because, if someone stays in the closet as a result of fear of abuse, it means those responsible for said abuse have 'won'. Rather, they should be stood up to and their views challenged, rather than those views being the cause of people not coming out.

---

I wasn't suggesting anyone stay in any closet.



Thank you Henners!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BDunnell

If I had even the slightest impression that my parents would rather I'd been straight, I wouldn't be happy. I'd also take issue with the 'paternal instinct' bit, since not all parents — thankfully, I might add — have the same instincts.

---

Its not something most parents would admit to their children either though. Good parents don't try and make their children feel guilty about something out of their control.