Well no wonder.
When your wife said she wanted something for your anniversery bright and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds you bought her a bathroom scale.
Way to start yet another fight.
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Well no wonder.
When your wife said she wanted something for your anniversery bright and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds you bought her a bathroom scale.
Way to start yet another fight.
You laugh now...wait until your nose goes from 0 to 305 in less than a quarter of a second, much faster than alonsoita and his one incher.....donKey ain't seen his for a three years nowQuote:
Originally Posted by Easy Drifter
No matter what poor ol' Markabilly does he puts his foot, or some other part of his anatomy, in it.
His wife, admittedly a scary sight (or is that a site), was standing nude in front of a mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to Markabilly 'I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
Markabilly being his usual extremely diplomatic self cleverly said 'Well your eyesight is damn near perfect.'
Now he keeps asking DonKey and me to let him stay with one of us for a short while.
Heck it took years to get rid of him the last time.
It would be nice if he would at least shower more the once a month.
Be nicer if you had a shower that actually would not break, when.....
anyway here is the rest of the story..
http://www.motorsportforums.com/foru...5&postcount=21
This morning I went in to sign my 4 dogs up for welfare.
At first the nice lady said dogs are not eligble to draw welfare.
So--- I explained my dogs are of mixed colour, unemployed, lazy, cannot speak English, and have no clue who their daddy's are.
They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and look after their medical care.
So she checked in her policy book to see what it took to qualify.
My dogs get their first cheques next Friday. Gosh, this is a great country.
Markabilly's wife got pulled over for speeding.
She said "Is there a problem officer?'
'Ma'm you were speeding.
'Oh, I see.'
'Can I see your licence ma'm.'
'I would be glad to give it to you but I don't have one.'
'Don't have one?'
'No I lost it for drunk driving 4 years ago.'
'I see-- Can I see your registration please?'
'I can't do that.'
'Why not?'
'I stole this car and murdered the owner. I cut him up and stuffed him in the trunk.'
'YOU WHAT?'
'I hacked him into pieces and put him in plastic bags and stuffed him in the trunk.'
The officer looks at Markabilly's wife and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes her car is surrounded by cruisers and a senior officer approaches her with his gun half drawn.
' Ma'm would you plese step out of the car, slowly.'
She does and says 'Is there a problem Officer?'
'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.'
'Murdered the owner?'
'Yes, Would you please open the trunk?'
The trunk is popped and there is nothing but an empty trunk.
'Is this your car ma'm?'
'Yes. here are the registration papers.'
The officer is quite stunned. 'One of my officers claimed you do not have a driver's licence.'
She digs into her purse and hands the officer her driver's licence.
The officer examines the licence and hands it back completely puzzled.
'Thank you ma'm. One of my men told me you did not have a licence, stole the car and had murdered and hacked up the owner.'
'Bet the liar said I was speeding too.'
One time I was in Nashville, TN
and after a show I went into a waffle house.
I was sitting there eating and
reading a book. I don't know anybody
there so I'm just eating and reading.
All the sudden the waitress walks over
to me and asks "Whatcha ya'll reading for?".
I thought to myself "Wow, I've never been
asked that". Not what I'm reading but what am
I reading for? Well goddammit she stumped me!
I then told her "Well, I read for a lot of reasons...
but the main reason is so that I don't end up being
a waffle waitress!"
-Bill Hicks (1961-1994)
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious." teased the priest. "You really ought to try it. I know it is against your religion but I cannot understand why such a delicious food should be forbidden. You do not know what you are missing . You just haven't lived until you have had Mrs. Hall's prize winning Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me Rabbi when are you going to break down and try it?"
The Rabbi looked at the priest and with a huge grin said "At your wedding."
Markabilly's missus is, as Drifter could Easily attest, into all things "french".
She decided to take up french classes at the local community college, aiming to hone her "skills".
At the first interview, Pierre asked her routinely what she really wanted in life.
"To be honest all I want is 'appiness", she replied, in her best french accent, "I don't get 'appiness at home".
Poor Pierre thought she meant "happiness" for a split second, until he got jumped on and was thoroughly ravished :dozey:
As many of us know Markabilly was a motorcycle racer, which may explain a few things.
Not many know he was also a mean and miserable motorcyle cop.
One day he was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors quickly operated and informed him all was fine and that he would make a comlete recovery.
However Markabilly kept feeling something was pulling at the hairs in his crotch. It was really irritating and painful.
Worried that it might have been additional surgery the doctors had not told him about the finally got enough energy to lift his hospital gown and have a look to see what was so painful.
Taped very securely across his pubic hairs and private parts were 3 strips of the super secure surgical tape of the type that just doesn't come off easily and without a lot of agony.
Written in large black letters were the words. "Get well soon-- from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week."