Just to make you happy. It is me.
Except I am an only brat.
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Just to make you happy. It is me.
Except I am an only brat.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
They have also discovered other similarities but can't remember what they are.
Markabilly's doctor said he looked like a million dollars.
Green and wrinkled.
What do people in Winnipeg do in the summer?
If it falls on a Sunday they have a picnic.
England has approved Viagra in a liquid form.
Directions are to mix the Viagra with their tea.
This way they will be able to keep a stiff upper lip.
Things to remember from your family camping trip.
Improvising with those handy shiny green leaves for toilet paper may have been a rash decision.
Last time you started a campfire 3 counties asked for federal disaster aid.
Good thing you read that lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Bad thing is you forgot to remove it from your navel before applying the match.
As you are setting up your campsite ensure the local bears are not drawing chalk outlines.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
Old socks can be made into a high fibre beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
A potato baked in the coals for 1 hour makes an excellent side dish.
A potato baked in the coals for 3 hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a
rich Chinese Businessman and a
Newfie were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers
in front of them.
The Newfie fumed, 'What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't
know, but I've never seen such
poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move
it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes
George the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him.'
'Hello, George!', said the Catholic
Priest, 'What's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh,
yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for
free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad.
I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm
going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if
there's anything he can do for
them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think
I'll donate $50,000 to the
fire-fighters in honour of these brave
souls'
The Newfie said, 'Why the f**k can't they
play at night?'
Taz' Simple Tips to Light a Campfire
1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of smaller fragments, including those buried in hands.
6. Light match.
7. Light match.
8, Repeat ' A Scout is cheerful' and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11.When fire is burning collect more firewood.
12.Upon discovering fire appears to have gone out while searching for more wood, soak wood from can labled Kerosene.
13. Treat face and arms for second degree burns.
14. Re-lable can to read Gasoline.
15. When fire is burning well add remaining firewood.
16. When thunderstorm has passed repeat steps 1 to 15.
Stephen Harper said one of the dinners they will be serving at the Deerhurst Resort in Muskoka for the G-8 Summit will 'Salads from around the World'.
President Obama said 'Great, I will be bring 5 million gallons of my new 'Gulf Coast Salad Dressing.'
Markabilly wears the pants in his house.
However, his wife tells him which pair to put on.
In the Village of Waubaushene, Ont. the parish priest held monthly meetings restricted to married men.
At one meeting he announced that Luigi had been married to one woman for almost 50 years and the their anniversary was coming up. He asked Luigi to tell everyone about the success of his long marriage.
Luigi spoke 'Well its'a like'a dis. I treat'a her good, bring her da flowers and gifts. Don'na make her work too hard an' on the 20th wedding anniversary I took'a her on a trip back to Italy.'
The good father said 'That is great Luigi. What are you going to do for your 50th wedding anniversary.
Luigi responded, 'Well I think'a I goin' to bring'a her back.'