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If you love something set it free.
If it comes back it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back it was never yours to begin with.
BUT------
If it just sits in your living room, watches your TV, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, borrows your car, takes your money and doesn't realize you actually set it free in the first place you either married it or gave birth to it.
Six Stages of Married Life
1 Tri-Weekly
2 Try-Weekly
3 Try-Weakly
4 Try Oysters
5 Try Anything
6 Try to Remember
try to remember what? :dozey:
:laugh:
Why Satan is considered to be God's unemployed brother?
Cause he lives on his basement...
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the
Knife and charges at you.
You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds
before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
.................................................. .......... ......
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's
Answer
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that
would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife
think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about
this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would
he be content just to wound me?
If I were to gra b his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call
9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have
paint and weed day and
make this happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to
debate this with
some friends for few days and try to come to a
consensus.
.................................................. ......................
Republican's
Answer:
BANG!
................................ .................................
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those
the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist
Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing The Lone Ranger was disguised as a carpet laid him.
Plans are progressing for a new pirate movie.
Censors are already giving it a "AAAAAR" rating
How to Tell if You Attend a Hick Church
People ask when they learn Jesus fed the 5000 with two fish, whether they were Bass or Catfish and what bait was used to catch them.
Opening Day of deer season is recognized as a church holiday.
The final words of the benediction are 'Y'all come back now! Ya hear!'
The communion wine is Boone's Farm 'Tickled Pink'.
The minister and his wife drive matching 4x4 pickup trucks.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a 56 Chev.
High notes on the organ set the coon dogs on the floor to howling.
550 members and only 7 last names in the church directory.
Baptism is reffered to as branding.
When the Pastor says 'I'd like to ask Bubba to take up the offering.' Five men and two women stand up.
A constuction worker goes to his doctor and says 'Doctor, you have to help me. I am really constipated.
The doctor examines the man and then says 'Lean over the table.'
The constrution worker leans over the table and the doctor whacks him as hard as he can on the butt with a two by four.
The man makes a run for the bathroom and comes out twenty minutes later.
He says 'Doc I don't know what you did but I feel great now.'
"Wonderful' says the doctor 'and quit wiping with empty cement bags.' :eek:
Meanwhile back at the ranch the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a lamp turned him on.