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the word missing from the 2nd to last line in the joke i posted that started with an S was sh*ts or Cr*ps all over the seat.
Sign on back of Amish Carriage:
Energy Efficient Vehicle.
Runs on Grass and Oats
CAUTION: Avoid Exhaust.
Why did the French plant tress along the Paris Streets?
Because the Germans like marching in the shade.
Why did the French cut them down?
Because the Muslims like marching in the Sun.
Refrigerator Notes
My lovely Wife:
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, now being 54 years old, can now longer supply. I am still very happy with you and I value you greatly as a good wife. Therefore I hope you will, after reading this note, will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Motel. Please do not be upset. I shall be home before midnight.
New Refrigerator Note
My Dear Husband:
I received and acknowledge your note and I thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know I am a math instuctor at our local college. I would also like to inform you that as you read this I will be at the Quality Inn with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant Tennis Coach. He is young, virlie and like your sectretary 18 years old.
As a very successful businessman who has an excellent comprehension of mathematics you will understand we are in the same situation with one small difference.
Eighteen goes into fifty-four a lot more times than fifty-four goes into eighteen!
How to Rope a Deer!
Markabilly had this briliant idea of roping a deer, putting it is a stall for a few weeks and feeding it corn and then killing it and having delicious venison for several meals.
Since they congregated at his cattle feeder when he was feeding his cattle he figured this would be easy. The bold ones often came right up to him while he was putting the feed out. He figured it would be easy to toss a rope over one, hog tie it and with a bag over its head put it in a stall.
He filled the feeder and stood well back. The cattle having seen the rope before also stood well back. Well the deer came right up to the feeder and Markabilly picked out a nice large Buck. He deftly tossed the rope over the deer.
The deer just stood there and looked at Markabilly as he wrapped the rope around his waist. It appeared mildly concerned but just stood there. He took a step towards it and put a little tension on the rope. He took another step towards it and put some more tension on the rope. That was when Markabilly's education began.
The first thing he learned was that when you put a rope on them they may just stand there looking at you funny. But when you start pulling on it they EXPLODE.
The next thing he learned is that a deer is a whole lot stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range he could handle with little trouble. Not a deer.
It ran, it bucked, it twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it.
After the president has been in office for 6 months it is customary for
the last president to send a note of congratulations to the new one.
So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the president was
somewhat troubled because it was writte n in code and all it said was:
370H-SSV-0773H
This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former
president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged.
So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it
.
They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They
called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and
they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.
Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House. They
both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.
Now there was complete panic in the oval office.
They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the
note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer
A special emergency meeting was called by the staff.
All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI
were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code.
After a sleepless night, a now humbled President picked up the phone
and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.
Bush chuckled and replied: Dude .............You're holding it upside down!
Now that is funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by fousto
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.