Joke Time

Think you have lived to be 71 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens...

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about nakedwomen. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

:rotflmao:

the whole time i was reading it, I thought she was going to say her name was Danica.......

doing her commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RWQ_...eature=related

yah boy

or this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_5Ca...eature=related

Did u hear that she has fallen in love?

andretti made a pass on her...

Easy: Why does donKey say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".

Mrs. donkey: Because he thinks he's a chicken http://www.zoomschool.com/rgifs/Rooster.GIF .

Easy: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken ?

Mrs. donKey: Because we need the eggs .

remember boys:

http://img.printfection.com/9/2519169/GIOPY.jpg

My wife says I have the body of a God.

Say, just who is Buddha anyway?

Two doctors in Orillia have invented a device that improves your posture. It gives you a small electric shock every time you slouch.
The device is called 'Your Mother-with-a-Taser.'


If the good Lord wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.

Bumper Sticker on a motorhome:

Don't tailgate or I will flush.

I bought a new Chevy Silverado but couldn't get the radio to work. I returned to the dealership and the salesman explained it had a new voice activated radio. He said 'Listen' He then said 'Nelson.'
The radio instantly responded with 'Willie or Ricky.'
He then said 'Willie'.
Immediately the radio came on with 'On the Road Again.'
The salesman said 'Ray Charles' and we got Georgia on My Mind'.
I was impressed and for the next few days whenever I said 'Beethoven' I would get beautiful classical music and if I said 'Beatles' I would get one of their awsome songs.
Yesterday some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck but I managed to avoid him.
I yelled 'Asshole'
The radio immediately responded with 'Ladies and Gentlemen, The Prime Minister of Canada'.

Two moderators was awalking down a road and started crossing some railroad tracks.

One said "stop, those look like deer tracks"
The other says, "No, they are moose tracks"

Tazio comes up and says "Train!"

Both started doing jumping jacks. :bounce:
the train almost stopped... :eek: ..but only the Taz was left to smile :D

Ferrari has asked rival teams for permission to have Michael Schumacher test this year's car during the testing ban ahead of the European Grand Prix.

The German driver will replace Felipe Massa at the Maranello-based squad in Valencia, but Schumacher had not driven a Formula 1 car since last year.

The seven-time champion has already began his preparations for the race, having taken to the Mugello circuit today in a two-year-old F2007 car.

But Ferrari has written to the FIA and to its rival teams asking to allow Schumacher to test for a day with this year's F60 car in order to arrive better prepared for the Valencia race.

A Mod (not Pino) took his Caddy into the dealership and asked a mechanic to replace his 710.
The mechanic was dumbfounded as he had no idea what a 710 was.
The Mod opened the Caddy's hood and told him it was a plastic cap that fitted over a hole.
The mechanic grinned, shook his head and went to the Parts Dept. He came back with a new 710 top.
He put it on and tightened it so it the Mod could see the word OIL. :dozey: