Joke Time

Tazio runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with donkey juke who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for "Taz le deda Nails".

"Give me a week," says he, "and I'll be back with a tape."

A week goes by and the donKey comes to see taz. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Taz le deda Nails, they'll hold anything."

taz goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but no more showing Jesus being nailed by Romans!"

Another week goes by and donKey jote comes back to see Taz with another tape. He puts it in the machine and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus already nailed to the cross.

The Roman looks up at him and says 'Taz le de da Nails, they'll hold anything'.

Tazio is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything showing Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast."

A week passes and tazio waits impatiently. The ole el donKey jote arrives and puts on the new video.

A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them turns to camera and says "If only we had used Taz le de da Nails!".

In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?"

In the back of the class, nasty Easy der drither waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. "Yes, Susan?"

"The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."
"Excellent," said Sister Mary, "and you, Charlotte?"

"The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."

"Very good, Charlotte," said the Sister, as she noticed Easy's hand still waving in desperation."

"OK, Easy, what do you think?"

"It's the feet that go first, Sister, the feet."

"That's a strange answer, Easy. Why the feet?"

Easy answered, "Because I saw my mom with my brother, donKey jote, on top of her, with her feet up in the air, shouting, 'God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"





payback......more to "come" :vader:

el donKey jote was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When itwas his turn, he rolled the dice, moved the counter and landed on "Science & Nature."

the question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
donkey thought for short while and asked, "Is it on or off?"

Easy says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "Only if my prayers are answered"

taz and donkey were walking home along the railway tracks
el donkeazio says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here"

Taz says, "I'll tell you what's worse, these handrails are far too low"

:s mokin:

Many many years ago back in ancient times when Markabilly was a youngster he was playing hockey. His coach called him over and asked ' Do you understand what cooperation means?'
Markabiily nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that that what matters is not wether we win or lose but how we play together as a team?'
Markabilly nodded yes.
'So' the coach continued 'I am sure you know that when a penalty is called you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee or call him a peckerhead. Do you understand that?'
Again Markabilly nodded.
'Good' said the coach 'Now go over there and explain that all to your mother.'

Easy says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "Only if my prayers are answered"

taz and easy were walking home along the railway tracks
Taz says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here"

el eazio says, "I'll tell you what's worse, these handrails are far too low"

:s mokin:

Markabilly Medical Terms

Cesaream Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labour pain: Getting hurt at work.
Rectum: Darned near killed him.

Easy de la Drifter walks into his doctor's office and tells the Doc de la tazio he has a major problem. The Doc Asked, what is it?

Easy said he can not have sex. Why asked the Doc. Easy replied, "My penis is too long and no woman will go to bed with me."

The Doc said "let me take a look." easy rolled his pants down and the Doc almost fainted. 25 inches of penis. The Doc said "Sorry but I know of no medical procedure that will help."

But..........at the edge of town there is a witch who might be able to cast a spell on you.

Dejected the man left the office and said to himself--nothing ventured nothing gained and off to the witch he went. He told her of his problem and she too wanted to see. She said WOW there is no spell I can cast that will help. But.............. If you go behind my house into the woods, You will eventually reach a pond. On the far shore you will see a big ugly frog. Ask her to marry you. If she says NO and it works, Your penis will shrink by 5 inches.

The men left and walked and sure enough he found the pond and low and behold there was the frog on the far shore. He yelled Hey frog, will you marry me?
She replied NO! he felt a tingle rolled his pants down and was amazed . His penis shrunk to 20 inches.

He said to himself, great!!! this worked but it is still too long. He yelled again, Hey frog, will you marry me? The frog replied --NO! he felt the tingle again and sure enough it shrunk by additional 5 inches to 15.

He said to himself. That’s great but still not enough. He yelled again. FROG, will you marry me?

The frog replied NO! NO! NO! for the last time

donKey Jote walks into his doctor's office and tells the Doc Markabilly, he has a major problem. The Doc Asked, "what is it?"

Donk said he can not have sex. Why asked the Doc. Donk replied, "My penis is too long and no woman will go to bed with me."

The Doc said "let me take a look." Donk rolled his pants down and the Doc almost fainted. 25 inches of penis. The Doc said "Sorry but I know of no medical procedure that will help."

"But..........at the edge of town there is a witch who might be able to cast a spell on you."

Dejected easy left the office and said to himself--nothing ventured nothing gained and off to the witch he went. He told her of his problem and she too wanted to see. She said "WOW there is no spell I can cast that will help. But.............. If you go behind my house into the woods, You will eventually reach a pond. On the far shore you will see a big ugly frog. Ask her to marry you. If she says NO and it works, Your penis will shrink by 5 inches."

donKey left and walked and sure enough he found the pond and low and behold there was the frog on the far shore. He yelled "Hey frog, will you marry me?"

He replied "NO!"

he felt a tingle rolled his pants down and was amazed . His penis shrunk to 20 inches.

He said to himself, great!!! this worked but it is still too long. He yelled again, "Hey frog, will you marry me?"

The frog replied --"NO!"

he felt the tingle again and sure enough it shrunk by additional 5 inches to 15.

He said to himself. That is great but still not enough. He yelled again. "FROG, will you marry me?"

The frog replied, "how many times must i tell you, the answer is NO, NO, NO and NO"



and now we know why donkey's mum is the only one who will have sex with him.......yo mama

A teacher was working with her seventh grade class on
"Thinking Skills". She was giving some concrete examples of
deductive reasoning skills.

"I'm holding an object behind my back", she said, "And it's
round and red."


Little tazio in the front row stuck his little hand up. "Is it a
cherry?" he inquired.


"No," said the teacher,"It's an apple, but I like the way
you think."


Next the teacher said, "I'm holding something behind my
back. It's long and yellow. Can anyone guess what it is?"



"A banana! A banana!" shouted little donKey.


"No," said the teacher, "It's a pencil, but I like the way
you think."


A voice boomed from the back of the room. It was Easy. "Hey
teach, how about I hide something and you guess." Not to be
outdone the teacher agreed.


easy swaggered up to the front of the room, dug his hand
into his pocket, and said, "I've got something in my pocket.
It's round and hard and it's got a head on it."


The teacher thought for a moment, her face reddened. "easy,
that's obscene, sit down."


"No it's not teach," he said as he brought his hand out of
his pocket. "It's a quarter, but I like the way you think."

99 reasons why beer is better than women:

1. You can enjoy a beer all month.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. hangovers eventually go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer always goes down gently.
17. You can share a beer with your friends and enemies.
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. A beer doesn't care when you come.
22. You can have a beer in public.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. Beer always comes in multiples of six.
26. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. Beer looks the same in the morning.
33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month or two about something in the oven.
34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
36. Beer doesn't get cramps.
37. Beer doesn't have a mother.
38. Beer doesn't have morals.
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
40. Beer always listens and never argues.
41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
44. Beer doesn't demand legality.
45. Beer is never overweight.
46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
49. Beer doesn't need much closet space.
50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
53. Beer never changes its mind.
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
55. Beer never asks you to change the station.
56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
58. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
59. Beer is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have.
61. Beer doesn't pout or play games.
62. Beer NEVER says no.
63. Beer is easy to get into.
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra.
67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
70. Beer doesn't live with its mother. *
71. Beer doesn't blow you off.
72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
74. Beer doesn't mind football season.
75. A beer won't make you go to church.
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
79. A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig
83. A beer will never make you see its parents
84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are heads.
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy channel.
87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A beer won't smoke in your car.
89. A beer never watchs opera, soap or otheerwise.
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A beer will never complain when you disobey.
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time.
93. A beer never fishes for compliments.
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. Beer tastes good.
96. A beer will never accuse you of rape.
97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin.
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.