Fgp 2013

Team Loco Americano Press statement:
For immediate release

After a slow start to the season, we were made aware that one of our drivers, Sergio Perez, did in fact know about the race at Malaysia. However he was hampered by very poor brake cooling at the race and it compromised his pace. During post race inspection by the FIA the team was reminded that though not illegal, having womens lingerie in the brake cooling ducts is not good practice for brake cooling.

We are not taking this matter lightly, as it has hampered our driver. Effective immediately the pit area may not be used for any amorous activities the night before the race unless all involved individuals are clothing free before entering the team pits.

We hope that this action sends a very strong message that we are here to win.

We haven't got any money left over for motorhome parties...

We demand that the series promoter Mr N.Jones provides all teams with motorhomes, and girls and releases extra funds for parties. We know we need something to take our minds of our distinctly mediocre season and drown our sorrows as we kiss goodbye to any hope of the championship.

Spitze Gurke Racing is very happy to be near the pointy end this early in the season.
Much sympathy to the Gurken running around at the back.
We even got a point from Vergne - that was a nice surprise. If Vettel & Webber keep at it, maybe Vergne will end up in a Red Bull come mid season. That would really put some other FGP teams in a bit of a pickle.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rjbetty

We haven't got any money left over for motorhome parties...

We demand that the series promoter Mr N.Jones provides all teams with motorhomes, and girls and releases extra funds for parties. We know we need something to take our minds of our distinctly mediocre season and drown our sorrows as we kiss goodbye to any hope of the championship.

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Our parties are well funded, and any attempt to divert extra funds will be met with an official protest logged to the FIA by myself. I won't tolerate the fact that some teams had their priorities mixed up and didn't leave a proper budget for parties. :)

ART would donate some funds to the paddock parties, if special conditions could be met.
;)

By which I mean let me have Red Bull as a chassis and replace JB with Sutil or something.
:( Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

The Vauxhall Astra Team have given up on the title this year and just want to raise more cash for parties at each race weekend instead.

We are giving McLaren their chassis back. Since they apologised to Mark Webber for the faulty ECU after Melbourne, we think it would be nice if they also apologised to us for providing us with an entire chassis that is below par.

It's been a rough start to the season. Hopefully most of us can see sometype of turn around. For now, just enjoy a 1940 Chateau La Fleur-Petrus in your motorhomes. :D

So the teams have arrived in China as we are eagerly waiting for another Grand Prix. But media and PR work never comes to an end, you always have to answer questions and be available. This time the team principal of Yellow Jens GP Racing Team faced a journalist, who actually isn't very well aware of F1 and in this situation you have to be pretty smart to give politically correct answers.

Q: You are 33rd in the championship. Your team must be pretty crap, no?
YJGPT: Well, as you know Formula One is a season-long chess-game, so being 33rd after 1/10th of a season isn't an alarming situation. But if we were still that far down after half a year, we would be concerned.

Q: Why did you hire crap drivers? They brought you only 2 points so far.
YJGPT: Well, we think our drivers are actually quite fast. Again this is something we can and will improve on during the season. The competition is tight and you can't come out on top in every race.

Q: How many engines will you use in the race?
YJGPT: We are planning to get through the race distance with a single engine unit in each car. If the engine overheats and expires, I am afraid the time spent for installing a new engine would be too long to make it worthwhile in the context of the final result.

Q: Why do you change tyres in the race then?
YJGPT: Pirelli has delivered us tyres, which degrade rather quickly, which means that it is more efficient to make pitstops in order to cover a race distance in a shorter time. Also in contrast to engines the technology for tyre-change is very efficient nowadays and will make even multiple tyre changes per race a worthwhile effort.

Q: Why don't you drive the car? Everyone's dream is to drive and team principal can choose, who will drive!
YJGPT: Well, certainly driving and racing is very exciting and on occasion I like to practice it on computer games. (laughs) However, these high-tech F1 cars handle like real beasts and it takes some serious skills to deliver results in them, so I hand the opportunity of driving to those, who I think can be more useful to the team from this point of view.

Q: Yeah, but your drivers don't score points anyway. So you can drive!
YJGPT: If I drove we wouldn't have even those two points we have at the moment. (laughs)

Q: Ok, ok. Why do you have wings on the car?
YJGPT: We have developed wings and other aerodynamic devices in order to have more efficient air-flow on the car to increase downforce in the corners. In short, wings help the car to direct air in such ways that it can go faster through the twisty bits of a circuit.

Q: Ok, sir. Thanks for your time.
YJGPT: My pleasure.

Interesting Jens... it must have been the same clueless journalist that came looking for an interview with us. I got some strange looks, but he asked some stupid questions.





Q: What is the primary goal of your team?
TLAF1: To have run running a race team.

Q: But aren't you in it to win? Don't you have any hopes for scoring points or a title?
TLAF1: Of course we wish to be a team that gets results, we just want to have fun doing so.

Q: I'm curious as to your reserve driver choice, being unproven in the sport. What led you to this decision?
TLAF1: <spitting out champagne> Holy crap, you mean the rumors of us having a third driver are correct?

TLAF1: <composing myself some> What is this third drivers name?

Q: I thought I was supposed to be the one asking the questions...
TLAF1: Hell I thought we only had two drivers. I guess both of us are confused today!

TLAF1: Would you like some champagne? <points to two gorgeous groupies carrying full champagne glasses>
Q: Well I'm at work and we aren't supposed to drink....
TLAF1: <motions to the ladies who take him champagne and sit next to him>
Q: Well I guess as long as nobody finds out then maybe....
TLAF1: Hell son Las Vegas could learn a few things about how what happens here stays here

Q: Well thanks for the champagne... now back to business. What do you think about the upcoming race in China?
TLAF1: I think that is twice in a year all of our equipment went to the wrong country. So I hope we can get it to China in time.

Q: I've heard your team has parties of epic proportions. What would a person, say a young journalist, have to do to get invited to one of these parties?
TLAF1: She would have to send a written request, provide professional credentials, a resume, and include photos from all angles. We are very strict in this policy and will only forgive the exclusion of the written request, credentials, and resume. We can also forgive the lack of photos if they show up in person. So no sir, despite rumors we do not discriminate against any beautiful women that shows up, and we could back up our anti discrimination policy in court pal!

Q: Well I was actually hoping I could get into one of your parties.
TLAF1: Not the slightest chance young lad... you won't pull any ladies along with you.
Q: But there must be some wa...
TLAF1: Did I stutter or something?
Q: Can't I even try to...
TLAF1: NO!

Q: I just got a text from a fellow journalist and they say your trailers were spotted in Monaco.
TLAF1: Monaco?
Q: Yes sir, Monaco.
TLAF1: Damn it... I knew that blonde we hired for logistics was confused about travel to other countries but really this is...

TLAF1: <scratching chin> What do you know about logistics son?
Q: Not much sir but...
TLAF1: Well good! <throws a pile of $500 bills on the table> Take this, get to Monaco and ask for Monique. She is the hot blond... ummm.. my logistics manager.
Q: And then?
TLAF1: Tell her to get her butt to China, and all our gear. You can travel with the team if you want. If the gear all gets to China in time you can come to a party. If the gear doesn't make it, make sure Monique and her butt get to China anyway..... I've got to get going now, I just heard that one of the drivers stole a car for practice in China.



Disclaimer: All statements made by anyone representing Team Loco Americano F1 are generally made under the legal influence of alcohol._{legal note, scratch reference to alcohol and replace with"are in compliance with all applicable laws"} However, we take employment matters very seriously and thus to not tolerate racial, sexual, gender, religious, or alcohol discrimination of any type. As clearly stated in our policy all smoking hot babes_{legal note, scratch this and replace with "applicants"} will be given a full and complete long hard look examining their "qualifications."_{legal note, scratch entire phrase and replace with "will be given consideration for employment"} Furthermore, as team principle I will personally meet with anyone feeling that discrimination of any type has taken place. Wear something flattering, and show up about noon alone, in the trailer, and be creative. _{legal note, the parties are taking a lot of funding and we can't assume that bail money will always be available. Suggest you scratch every public statement you make and stay in the trailer.}

Oh me Oh My!

8th & 12th! Why didn't I pick Merc GP????? :(