Joke Time

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Easy Drifter

Markabilly took his car in the the garage with a complaint about a clunking sound when he went around corners.
The service writer duly noted this on a work order and handed it to a mechanic.
The mechanic took the car out for a test drive and went around a right hand corner and sure enough there was a loud clunk.
He then went around a left hand corner and again there was a lound clunk.
Back at the shop the mechanic looked into the trunk and soon discovered the problem.
He returned the work order to the service writer with the notation ' Removed bowling ball from trunk.'

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hahah :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jonathan@USRT

hahah :D

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And after reading all the posts in this thread, Johanthumb finally found one he could understand

Once upon a time, in a land far away a beautiful, independent princess happened upon a frog as she sat by a pond.
The frog hopped onto the princess's lap and said 'Elegant Lady, I once was a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into the dapper young Prince that I am. Then my sweet we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, have my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.'
That night the Princess dined sumptuosly on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs in a white wine sauce.

School Answering Machine

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the ***** High School Queensland , staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine . This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Unfortunately only too true in Canada as well.
My next set of jokes will follow the same lines with true stories.
Not tonight though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Easy Drifter

Unfortunately only too true in Canada as well.
My next set of jokes will follow the same lines with true stories.
.

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All of mine already have.

THE HAPPIEST FAIRYTALE EVER

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled lots, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled and felt and looked fabulous all the time.

http://www.btinternet.com/~digital.w...he_shining.jpg


Easy says, I am home. Where is dinner, donKey?

"The real end"

The first testicular guard was used in Cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important

another from the same source as above:

They once said that a black man would be


President of the USA when pigs fly.

His first 100 days and Pig's flu!