Joke Time

easy was stumbling home from his drinking hole one night when he came across markabilly crawling around on the sidewalk under a lamp post.
"holy jaysush billy I din't think yez were that pished -hic !"
markabilly steadies himself on all fours, looks up and goes "I'm not pished eashy bro'. I dropped me keysh trying to get in me housh quietly so as not to wake the tiny monshter."
easy says "but I thought you lived over there acrosh the street"
billy goes "I do but it'sh too bloody dark to find anyshing over there"

Donkey's note to his wife left on the refrigerator:

Someone from Guyana Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer was normal.

The Easy's go round to Billy's for dinner with his new missus. After eating, the witches leave the table and go into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and markabilly said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
Easy goes, "Oh yeah, what's the name of this restaurant?"
Markabilly knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his easy companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?
Easy replies, "A Carnation??"
"No. No. The other one" Billy says.
Easy offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"Nahhhh" growls markabilly... "You know the one that is red and has thorns."
Easy goes, "a rose?"
"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" ...
Billy then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Easy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week Easy comes back. "Doctor," he says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Mary had a little sheep
And with this sheep
Mary went to sleep
And this sheep
Turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Taz was driving down to chinatown to pick up his dry cleaning at 'Jimmy McDonald's' and was thinking that it was a bit of a strange name of a Chinese dry cleaning business.
When he arrived he asked the man behind the counter if he was Jimmy McDonald.
The owner replied 'Yep, I am Jimmy McDonald'.
Taz then asked if that was his real name.
The owner answered 'When I arrived in the US I lined up at the immigration counter. There was a man in front of me and when they asked for his name he spoke with a strong Scottish accent. He said his name was Jimmy McDoanald. When they asked me my name I said Sam Ting.'

Donkey returns from a trip feeling very ill.
He goes to the hospital where he undergoes a series of tests including one where he is sedated.
He wakes up in isolation after all these tests.
The phone beside his bed rings and he picks it up.
'This is your doctor and we have the results from your tests. You have a complicated disease called G.A.S.H. It is a combination of Gonorreah, AIDS, SARS and Herpes.' explains the doctor.
'Donkey exclaims "My gosh, what are you going to do?'
'Well, we are going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, Quiche, pancakes, Quesadillas and pita bread.' says the doctor.
'Will that cure me?' asks Donkey.
The doctor says 'No, but it is the only food that will fit under the door.'

old easy was trying to put the make on his 14 yo female cousin...."sweetie, I just love those rosy cheeks and sweet eyes..."

She responds, "Easy, your teeth remind me of the stars"

Easy thinking he is making some time on making her, says, "Darling, is it because they are so white and shining.."

"No, because they sit next to your whig when they come out at night...."

Taz along with his family were going to the dentist
'No expensive extras, Doctor,' Taz demands, 'No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Cost way too much. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.'
'I wish more of my patients were as strong minded and as brave as you, Mr Marsh, 'said the dentist admiringly.' Now, which tooth is it?'
Taz turns to his wife.
'Show him your tooth, honey.

taz still wonders why the wife got a divorce and his ferrari