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Markabilly called 911 in a panic on his cell phone.
He reported that his car had been broken into and he is hysterical.
He reports to the 911 dispatcher that the steering wheel, the dashboard, his eight track, the brake pedal and even the accelerator had been stolen from his prized Edsel.
The dispatcher said ' Be calm, an officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later upon his arrival the officer radios in.
'Disregard' he says. 'The old fool got in the back seat by mistake.' :dozey:
More like the wrong old fool got into the wrong car, cuase while I may have owned a black ford escort, i never owned no edselQuote:
Originally Posted by Easy Drifter
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Speaking of cop calling, there was this lawyer (aka jote or ass buzzard) who bought a brand new mercedes benz. He was on his way to see Esay and his mommie about what he could do to get Esay out of his first marriage since talking to Esay on the phone and trying to remind him that Esay ought to show more respect for the girl and not get so upset, since technically speaking she was his niece and still a mere 12 years old
but anyway, he stopped at macdonald, and started to get out, when this big truck driven by some el markabilly slammed into the open door and ripped it right off. As the truck was driving off, the lawyer seen a cop and started cop calling.
The officer immediately responded to the scene and the lawyer started demanding justice, capture and all the rest cause of the damage to his new mercedes.
The office being the observant type, asked him, "Are you a lawyer? "
The lawyer immediately inquired as to how he knew.
Officer said, "Because you are so materialistic, you noticed the car damage, but never noticed that truck ripped off your arm and took it with it."
Upon which the lawyer looked down where his arm used to hang and let out a loud wail, "ooooohhhh, MMMYYY GGGGOODD!!! NOT my new ROLEX!!!!
China has announced that it hopes to land a man on the moon this year after the successful launch of their Shenzou Rocket which contained a monkey, a dog, a rabbit and snails or as the Chinese public called it a #36 with rice.
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street.
The brunette says to the blonde, "My boyfriend has dandruff so I give him Head and Shoulders."
The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?!?!"
I like the video and jokes guys keep it up
Two dogs are out for a walk.
One dog says to the other "Wait a minute. I will be right back."
He trots across the street and sniffs a fire hydrant for about a minute, then rejoins his friend.
"What was that all about?" the other dog asks.
"Just checking my messages."
A boy comes home from school one day with a question on his mind, and goes to his father for an answer. "Father," he asks, "what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" His father is thoughtful for a moment, and then replies, "Well, I'll tell you what, son. Go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars."
The boy is confused, but follows his father instructions, and proceeds into the kitchen. When he returns, he tells father, "She said she would, Dad..." His father again looks thoughtful, and so the boy asks, "Now will you teach me the difference between potential and reality?"'
The father says, "I will, son, but first, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars." The boy is even more puzzled, but does as his father says. After he return from his sister's room, he says, "Yes, dad, she said she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars. Now will you teach me the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father looks up at his son, and says, "Alright son, think about this: Potentially, we've got two million dollars, but realistically - we're just living with a couple of sluts."
A gentleman is at an Irish Pub on Saint Patrick’s Day. Having swilled a lot of beer he goes into the men’s room to relieve himself! Using the urinal right next to him is a 4ft tall man. The gentleman couldn't help notice how incredibly well endowed the little guy was, and commented: "You’re awfully well hung for such a small man"! To which the little one replied: Didn't you know us leprechauns are really well hung"? The gentleman replied: No! I had no idea"!
Suddenly the gentleman grabs the little guy and say: "Hey I know the rules! If you catch a leprechaun he has to grant me three wishes!" Aye laddie sure and you've got me. What will your wishes be" Gentleman:"First I want a car, a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow" Little guy: "It's out in the parking lot waiting for you right now! The keys are in it! And what would your second wish be"? I want a woman the most beautiful sexy woman in the world" Little guy: “She’s in the car waiting for you right now"! And what would your final wish be"? "I want an inexhaustible supply of money"! Little guy: Every time you reach into the glove compartment you will pull out ten one-hundred dollar bills"! The gentleman is overcome with joy, he says: "This is great I can't believe my luck"! "I must inform you of one provision the little guy says. You have to let me take you in the arse to consummate the deal"! :eek: The gentle man looking at the little guys massive man-piece says "I don't know I'm not into that sort of thing plus you could kill someone with that thing.....Oh but I guess it's worth it" So the little guy climbs up on the urinal and gives it to the guy. I mean he is really in' this guy!! The little guy starts to engage in casual conversation: "What's your name laddie"? The gentleman replies in tears Ma My Name is Easy-Donks-Makabilly". "Roughly, how old would you happen to be laddie"? says the little guy! "Ah I I'm between 35 and 70”! E.D.M. replies painfully. To which the little guy replies:
Don't you think that's a little old to be believin' in Leh pray cans"? :dozey:
A woman is out doing the shopping one day when she goes into a pet shop. Their is a parrot for sale for £5, which she does not think can be right so double checks with the proprioter who tells her that the parrot is so cheap because it used to work in a house of ill repute and it says some quite unplesent things so whoever buys it keeps returning it and demanding their money back.
She decided to buy the parrot anyway and takes it home, however when she gets home and takes the sheet off the parrots cage it says:
"new house, new maddam".
She stares at the parrot for a moment and then starts laughing, and waits for her two daughters to come home from school, wandering what they will make of the parrot.
When the daughters come home from school they walk into the living and find the parrot which says:
"New house, new maddam, new girls."
Bothe the woman and her daughters laugh at this, and wander what the parrot will say to the womans husband.
3 Hours later the husband returns home after a day at work, he walks into the living room where the rest of the family are waiting to see what the parrot will say.
And it says:
"Hello Dave"
Remarks by the usual suspects during Colonoscopies:
Markabilly: You know in Arkansas we are now legally married.
Donkey: Any sign of the trapped Miners chief?
Easy Drifter: You used to be an Oil Co. executive didn't you?
Taz: Could you write a note for my wife saying my head is not up there?