Roamy
13th November 2007, 04:17
We should probably carbon copy the UN -
Somebody wrote this and I thought of you people right away:
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't
know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something
terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans
any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets
all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid
prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no
breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going
on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of
ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your
homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians
and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the
economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of
homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And
while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority
business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is
as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I've
mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk
in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has
rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are
participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine
about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize
that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other
parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are
more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your
economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for
oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already
seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to
hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had
chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'
Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the
goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in
Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy
named ' Clinton 'established that policy. Bet you didn't know that,
did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back
during the cold war, there were two major competing political and
economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so
because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we
do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't
care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine,
as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with
them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the
*******s are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here
in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's
because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence,
military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked
to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you
that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how
many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a
single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think
that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a
donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang
it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist.
It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all
over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times
or on ABC or NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any
smarter. Most of you would rather watch "American Idol".
I could say more about your expectations that the government will
always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave
a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your
own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the
conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your
heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an
energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of
Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty
much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough
to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is
your new President. You asked for it.
She has already proposed the following appointments: (Note: These
appointments were not part of the original written satire, but were
added later as an example of the Democratic Party mind set by an
individual receiving the original email).
Chuck Shumer- Vice President
John Murtha - Secretary of Defense,
John Kerry - Secretary of State.
Obama -UN Delegate,
Al Gore-Energy,
Harry Reid- Homeland Security,
Al Sharpton- Health, Education & Welfare
John Edwards - Attorney General
Ted Kennedy - Labor
John Corzine- Treasurey
Hillary Clinton - Special Counsel to the President
(for double checking all other appointees)
Bill Clinton/Jimmy Carter - Chief Presidential Advisors
Jesse Jackson - Special Assistant on African American Affairs
Watch what these folks do carefully, because I still have a glimmer
of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart
enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America . Some of you know
what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
Somebody wrote this and I thought of you people right away:
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't
know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something
terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans
any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets
all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid
prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no
breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going
on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of
ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your
homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians
and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the
economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of
homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And
while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority
business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is
as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I've
mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk
in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has
rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are
participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine
about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize
that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other
parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are
more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your
economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for
oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already
seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to
hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had
chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'
Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the
goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in
Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy
named ' Clinton 'established that policy. Bet you didn't know that,
did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back
during the cold war, there were two major competing political and
economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so
because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we
do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't
care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine,
as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with
them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the
*******s are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here
in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's
because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence,
military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked
to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you
that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how
many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a
single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think
that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a
donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang
it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist.
It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all
over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times
or on ABC or NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any
smarter. Most of you would rather watch "American Idol".
I could say more about your expectations that the government will
always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave
a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your
own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the
conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your
heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an
energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of
Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty
much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough
to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is
your new President. You asked for it.
She has already proposed the following appointments: (Note: These
appointments were not part of the original written satire, but were
added later as an example of the Democratic Party mind set by an
individual receiving the original email).
Chuck Shumer- Vice President
John Murtha - Secretary of Defense,
John Kerry - Secretary of State.
Obama -UN Delegate,
Al Gore-Energy,
Harry Reid- Homeland Security,
Al Sharpton- Health, Education & Welfare
John Edwards - Attorney General
Ted Kennedy - Labor
John Corzine- Treasurey
Hillary Clinton - Special Counsel to the President
(for double checking all other appointees)
Bill Clinton/Jimmy Carter - Chief Presidential Advisors
Jesse Jackson - Special Assistant on African American Affairs
Watch what these folks do carefully, because I still have a glimmer
of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart
enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America . Some of you know
what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.