Livewireshock
31st July 2007, 15:39
This is from the meandering writings of a local Australian team, I hope you find it amusing. Plenty of other creative writings on their website.
The Lord of the Rally of Finland
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Permission is hereby given for all car clubs to reprint said utterances by Alliance Motorsport as long as acknowledgment of source is given. You may link and republish on other forums, with links back to http://alliancemotorsport.org/antilag for point of origin for acknowledgment of source. All other rights by author are reserved. Lord knows why you want to do that, but I actually got asked that question. So, there's your answer. And if your really wanting to reproduce this nonsense, seek professional medical help)
And to link back to a few older AMS utterances that have been referred to that you should refresh on first -
http://www.bmsc.com.au/forums/showpo...6&postcount=81
Testicle Restrictors
http://www.bmsc.com.au/forums/showpo...00&postcount=7
Max's Golden Dunny
----------
And Gandalf was most wroth with anger and he stood to his full height.
“SEBASTIAN LOEB! Here you not everything I say? You are the only one that can do this! Only you may take the Rulebook to Finland and destroy it, fling it into Max’s Golden Dunny, fart and set the whole damn thing alight. Only YOU have the power!”
But Sebastian, a Rally Driver from the quiet town of Frog’s Legs could only shake his head in fear.
“But Gandalf? How can I be the one to do this? Why not Daniel Eluna, my faithful Garden… errr…. Co-Driver? Why must I be the one who takes the Dark Lord One Rulebook of Power to the Crack of Max Mosley?”
Gandalf sighed. “He will be going with you, but he can not carry this burden for you. Only you have the power to defeat the armies of the FIA, only you can give us hope”
“Hope? Hope for what?”
“Hope that that retard wont decree we all have to drive S2000, that’s what!” flared Gandalf. “Or even worse Subarus! Have you not seen what it has done to your brother hobbit… errr… I mean rally drivers? Danny Sordo has been turned into a charmless moron!”
Sebastian muttered something under his breath. “…. He already was a charmless moron….”
Gandalf chose to ignore this and pressed on. “Only you…”
“What about a caterpault? Fling the Rulebook into the Crack!”
“That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard! No get out and get on your journey you surrender monkey!”
--
The Secret Diaries of Aragor…. Errr I mean Petter Solberg
(With apologies to the Very Secret Diaries of Aragorn)
Day One:
Officials killed killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Sebastian Loeb and smelly person called Danny. Walked forty miles because Subaru broke down. Skinned a mechanic and ate it.
Still not World Champion.
Day Four:
Stuck on mountain with Citroen. Chris really annoying.
Not World Champion yet.
Day Six:
Officals killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Xavier. Holding myself back.
Still not World Champion.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in FIA Headoffice. Big Scrutineer to kill.
Not World Champion today either.
Day Eleven:
Officials killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.
Marcus may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was World Champion?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Sebastian disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Danny would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not World Champion.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien errr I mean Denmark. Think Michelle was hitting on me. Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Chris. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not World Champion.
Day 32:
Officials killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.
Marcus told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Marcus might be kinda gay.
Nope, not World Champion.
Day 33:
Officials killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Chris Disqualified by officials. Bummer. Though he retired bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Xavier either.
Still not World Champion, but at least Chris seemed to think I was. Might however have been alcohol poisioning.
Day 34:
Sebastian went to Finland. Said he was going alone, but took Danny with him. Why?
My God, is everyone in this rally gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not World Champion, goddammit.
--
Due to technical difficulties (The fact the Internet doesn't exist in Mordor... errr... I mean Finland), the regularly scheduled Rally Predictions will be tomorrow night when we have communications via Great Eagle. We can tell you a great battle to the West is building and the skies are blackened with the fumes of Max Mosley's Outhouse aka SupeRally. The drum, the drums pound in the deep and the Drivers of Ford gather for one final stand against the massed armies of the Dark Lord Mosley and his minions. The gallant men and women of the Last Service Crew of the West approach their doom and Sebastian carries the Ring towards the Crack of Doom.
The Nazgul of the FIA Rally Commission fly installing fear and paperwork onto the hapless, The Mouth of Mosley proclaims the doom of us all with foul utterances ("I LOVE ROTARIES!!!" "MORE SUPER SPECIAL STAGES!!!!" "I MADE AUSTRALIAN RALLYING WHAT IT IS TODAY!!!" "WE MUST RESTRICT TESTICLE SIZE!!!")
Who lives? Who dies? And who is Gollum in the entirely "WTF has he been smoking THIS time?????" edition of Alliance Motorsport's Rally Predictions?
The Lord of the Rally of Finland
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Permission is hereby given for all car clubs to reprint said utterances by Alliance Motorsport as long as acknowledgment of source is given. You may link and republish on other forums, with links back to http://alliancemotorsport.org/antilag for point of origin for acknowledgment of source. All other rights by author are reserved. Lord knows why you want to do that, but I actually got asked that question. So, there's your answer. And if your really wanting to reproduce this nonsense, seek professional medical help)
And to link back to a few older AMS utterances that have been referred to that you should refresh on first -
http://www.bmsc.com.au/forums/showpo...6&postcount=81
Testicle Restrictors
http://www.bmsc.com.au/forums/showpo...00&postcount=7
Max's Golden Dunny
----------
And Gandalf was most wroth with anger and he stood to his full height.
“SEBASTIAN LOEB! Here you not everything I say? You are the only one that can do this! Only you may take the Rulebook to Finland and destroy it, fling it into Max’s Golden Dunny, fart and set the whole damn thing alight. Only YOU have the power!”
But Sebastian, a Rally Driver from the quiet town of Frog’s Legs could only shake his head in fear.
“But Gandalf? How can I be the one to do this? Why not Daniel Eluna, my faithful Garden… errr…. Co-Driver? Why must I be the one who takes the Dark Lord One Rulebook of Power to the Crack of Max Mosley?”
Gandalf sighed. “He will be going with you, but he can not carry this burden for you. Only you have the power to defeat the armies of the FIA, only you can give us hope”
“Hope? Hope for what?”
“Hope that that retard wont decree we all have to drive S2000, that’s what!” flared Gandalf. “Or even worse Subarus! Have you not seen what it has done to your brother hobbit… errr… I mean rally drivers? Danny Sordo has been turned into a charmless moron!”
Sebastian muttered something under his breath. “…. He already was a charmless moron….”
Gandalf chose to ignore this and pressed on. “Only you…”
“What about a caterpault? Fling the Rulebook into the Crack!”
“That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard! No get out and get on your journey you surrender monkey!”
--
The Secret Diaries of Aragor…. Errr I mean Petter Solberg
(With apologies to the Very Secret Diaries of Aragorn)
Day One:
Officials killed killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Sebastian Loeb and smelly person called Danny. Walked forty miles because Subaru broke down. Skinned a mechanic and ate it.
Still not World Champion.
Day Four:
Stuck on mountain with Citroen. Chris really annoying.
Not World Champion yet.
Day Six:
Officals killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Xavier. Holding myself back.
Still not World Champion.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in FIA Headoffice. Big Scrutineer to kill.
Not World Champion today either.
Day Eleven:
Officials killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.
Marcus may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was World Champion?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Sebastian disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Danny would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not World Champion.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien errr I mean Denmark. Think Michelle was hitting on me. Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Chris. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not World Champion.
Day 32:
Officials killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.
Marcus told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Marcus might be kinda gay.
Nope, not World Champion.
Day 33:
Officials killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Chris Disqualified by officials. Bummer. Though he retired bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Xavier either.
Still not World Champion, but at least Chris seemed to think I was. Might however have been alcohol poisioning.
Day 34:
Sebastian went to Finland. Said he was going alone, but took Danny with him. Why?
My God, is everyone in this rally gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not World Champion, goddammit.
--
Due to technical difficulties (The fact the Internet doesn't exist in Mordor... errr... I mean Finland), the regularly scheduled Rally Predictions will be tomorrow night when we have communications via Great Eagle. We can tell you a great battle to the West is building and the skies are blackened with the fumes of Max Mosley's Outhouse aka SupeRally. The drum, the drums pound in the deep and the Drivers of Ford gather for one final stand against the massed armies of the Dark Lord Mosley and his minions. The gallant men and women of the Last Service Crew of the West approach their doom and Sebastian carries the Ring towards the Crack of Doom.
The Nazgul of the FIA Rally Commission fly installing fear and paperwork onto the hapless, The Mouth of Mosley proclaims the doom of us all with foul utterances ("I LOVE ROTARIES!!!" "MORE SUPER SPECIAL STAGES!!!!" "I MADE AUSTRALIAN RALLYING WHAT IT IS TODAY!!!" "WE MUST RESTRICT TESTICLE SIZE!!!")
Who lives? Who dies? And who is Gollum in the entirely "WTF has he been smoking THIS time?????" edition of Alliance Motorsport's Rally Predictions?