The Last Word

[Rollo]

If you must leave scat, please give it to MP3 Astra whom as we know keeps a collection.

[MrJan]

does he like jazz then? I don't although someone told me the other day that Donnie likes Scat Wee, dunno who that is though :D :p :

[djarumdudley]

the last word has no need to be around such bad punnery.

[Donney]

The LW prefers to be with me.

[MrJan]

really?

[Donney]

Indeed.

[MrJan]

yoink

[Donney]

That's so Metrovich.....

[schmenke]

Schmenke to the rescue!

[DonnieDarco]

Yeah, like that'd work :erm: :D

[schmenke]

It's worth a try innit?

[MrJan]

Has everyone gone street in here?

[Rollo]

Err... no.

Does anyone happen to know the phone number of a delivery service that goes round to peoples' houses and punches them in the face? I think McClaren needs a decent punch in the face tonight.

[MrJan]

I think in this case it's time to push the boat out and go for the service that kicks them in the goolies, steals their money and stamps on their head.

[djarumdudley]

if i read that correctly, long story being short, the last word shall remain mine. i'm sure you'll understand.

[Donney]

I'm afraid you don't read that correctly.

[MrJan]

yeeesssssss

[schmenke]

Noooooooo

[MrJan]

Sort Offfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[Rollo]

2, 4, 6, 8, what do we appreciate? Doubling!

There will be only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't :D

[Donney]

Now we all have a place in the world....

[schmenke]

The LW prefers hexadecimal.

[MrJan]

I thought the LW preferred English

[Captain VXR]

Was ist die 'englisch'?

[Rollo]

For the remainer of this week I'm going to be British rather than English after England's exit from Euro 2008.

[DonnieDarco]

The world cup is better anyway, so who cares :D

[MrJan]

Me because we are now in the second pool for the 2010 draw which means playing teams that we simply aren't good enough to beat.

[Mp3 Astra]

I and typing this last words post using speech recognition software. It’s really starting to make me angry so I decided to steal the last words to make myself happier. I’d hate to technology sometimes anywhere rather than that. Diocese made no sense a afraid. That’s technology four year. Janet

[MrJan]

Janet?

[Mp3 Astra]

I think I meant to say "damn it".

[Rollo]

Today, John is going to the village off-license because Janet has had 'one of those days' at work and has run out of cream sherry.

Janet gives John the money and tells him not to talk to any strange women.

See John skip down the road. - "I do not skip!"

The off license is next door to the Hare and Hounds pub.

John is not allowed to go into the pub. Do you know what barred means? John does.

'Ring-ring' goes the shop bell.

See Mrs. Davies behind the counter. Mrs. Davies is from Wales. See the consonants.

Mrs. Davies is looking for something.

"Hello Mrs. Davies", says John.

"Hello John", says Mrs Davies.

"Have you lost something?", says John.

"Yes", says Mrs. Davies, "It's a piece from an old wooden chess-set. I can't find it anywhere, and it's an antique. I've been looking for weeks. Anyway, what would you like today John?"

John says, "I'd like a bottle of dry sherry please".

See John give Mrs. Davies the money, and put the change in his pocket.

"Thank you Mrs. Davies", says John.

See John start to skip home.

John has not gone far when he remember that he should have asked for cream sherry, not dry. Silly John.

See John run back to the off-license. "I'm sorry Mrs. Davies", says John, "I asked you for the wrong sherry. Could I have a bottle of cream sherry instead?"

"Of course", says Mrs. Davies. "Perhaps you can help me? Mrs. Bickerdyke told me that you are very good with your hands. Could you make me another chess piece? I would be ever so grateful".

See Mrs. Davies give John a chess-piece. "Yes", says John, "I can make one of these". John knows what a spokeshave is. Clever John.

John says, "I don't play chess much, but I do like a game of cards".

"So do I", says Mrs. Davies, "Next time you're passing, call in for a drink and a game of seven-card-stud in the lounge-bar".

"Goodbye Mrs. Davies", says John. "Goodbye John, and thank you", says Mrs. Davies. What fun!

John skips home to see Janet. Janet is waiting on the doorstep. See Janet take two or three big mouthfulls from the sherry. Thirsty Janet.

"Sorry I was so long", says John. "Mrs. Davies asked me to copy this pawn for her when she gave me some cream for the dry sack. Mrs. Bickerdyke told her that if she was short of a piece, that I had no trouble getting wood, and she said that next time I'm passing I should call in for a drink and Poker in the snug."

See sherry come out of Janet's nose.

Do you know how to pull someone through a letter-box by their beard?

Janet does. Poor John.

[DonnieDarco]

There's a lesson in that somewhere :D

[Mp3 Astra]

That's just crude! That's like the small boy on thanksgiving one... I will not say any more!

[MrJan]

xfutxuyf

[Donney]

Is that Coldplay's new album?

[MrJan]

Maybe

[Rollo]

There is a massive 3 foot bird turd just outside my front door. Does anyone want to hazard a guess as to what species of bird could be so filled up with white crud, that it could leave a splodge that big?

[Donney]

No, thank you.

[MrJan]

There is a massive 3 foot bird turd just outside my front door. Does anyone want to hazard a guess as to what species of bird could be so filled up with white crud, that it could leave a splodge that big?

Donnie? :p :

[DonnieDarco]

Miguel you b!tch, outside. NOW. :D

[MrJan]

No thanks, bit too cold for me :D

[Mp3 Astra]

Penguin?

[DonnieDarco]

whatever species of bird it is, its clearly very poorly :D

[djarumdudley]

last word mine.

[Donney]

No, not yours.

[Mp3 Astra]

I would like to contradict you.

[MrJan]

Is that a euphemism?

[Donney]

All I know is that is wrong.

[MrJan]

really?

[Rollo]

Rong rong and rong. Ha! I've even spelled wrong wrong to prove how wrong you are. Are you a lecturer in Wrongitude at Wrongford Universitym specialising in Wrongness and Wrongology?

That's how wrong you are.

[Donney]

I think that was Carl or Donnie.

[MrJan]

Boo-bop

[Mp3 Astra]

The last word doesn't recognise this man... who is Jan Yeo? Where has Miguel Sanchez gone?

[MrJan]

Miguel Sanchez had a few legal problems and shan't be joining us any more ;) But I'll think you'll find that the LW and I are old friends :D

[Rollo]

Are you the baliff for the High Sheriff or something, or is the Yeo in this case nothing to do with the Yeoman?

[DonnieDarco]

I have just spent the day doing legal training, if that helps :D

[Rollo]

Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain v. Boots Cash Chemists (Southern) Ltd. (1953)

The implications of which are I can walk around in a store with my pockets full of merchandise and still not be charged with theft until I walk out because I have stolen anything :D

[djarumdudley]

so as long as i don't exit this thread i've not actually stolen the last word. if i understand this correctly the last word is mine forever henceforth.

[Mp3 Astra]

I drinketh thy last word and I slay you anon. That's some made up Chaucer for you.

[DonnieDarco]

Putting a few henceforths or notwithstandings or aforementioneds in your post does not grant you legal rights to the LW :D

[Donney]

Indeed, or something...

[schmenke]

Give it a rest birthday boy. The LW is mine!

[djarumdudley]

once again it reverts back to me.

[MrJan]

Are you the baliff for the High Sheriff or something, or is the Yeo in this case nothing to do with the Yeoman?

Can't remember being a baliff, maybe when I was drunk one because I woke up with an exercise bike in the kitchen that wasn't there before. Otherwise it's mostly because it's my name :D

[DonnieDarco]

Once a mig, always a mig :D

[Mp3 Astra]

I'm back from work (yes, I'm a a working woman now) for some LW funtime!

[MrJan]

I'm drinking in Bath. Not the bath but the city of Bath.

[djarumdudley]

we've got something in common, as we're both drinking. the difference is i'm imbibing with the last word.

[MrJan]

bet you can't guess what I'm doing now

[Rollo]

bet you can't guess what I'm doing now

I bet I can guess; especially when you consider a previous post:


maybe when I was drunk one because I woke up with an exercise bike in the kitchen that wasn't there before

and this news report:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

The question is, will the exercise bike still love you in the morning?

[DonnieDarco]

I bet he never calls it :D

[MrJan]

I can't remember what happened so it is certainly a possibility :mark:

And the bike disappeared. One night I left it outside and the next morning it had gone :bigcry: ;)

[Rollo]

I guess this shows that love is a fickle thing.

I wonder if it will now become a community bike.

[Donney]

I wonder what the bike's parents think.

[MrJan]

It was a street bike anyway, they don't have parents that care.

[Rollo]

It's going to spend it's life on the white lines now innit? :D

[MrJan]

Yup, until one day it's lying in a scrapheap wondering where it all went wrong

[Donney]

It may be a good time to write a book with advice for other bikes.

[MrJan]

I'm not sure it can write

[Rollo]

I should like to point out that the current subject of this thread is an Illiterate Harlot Bicycle... yet another world first! :D

[MrJan]

No the subject of the thread is the LW and I win

[CarlMetro]

Nope sorry, your assumption is incorrect, please see the manager for further information

[Donney]

Why don't you go and search for him/her, while I take care of the LW? :D

[NoahsGirl]

I'll be taking the LW homne now for a while and a catch up chat

[MrJan]

**** run!!! :D That's enough catching up, me and the LW have to plan our trip to Toronto

[CarlMetro]

You're going to Tonto? Is that with or without the Lone Ranger?

[Rollo]

Tonto works for Abbey National as the assistant to the Credit Manager - the Loan Arranger.

[MrJan]

Yes going to Tonto, presumably you're going back to school Carl :p : ;) :laugh:

[Rollo]

I wouldn't consign Carl to the Looney Bin though, in these days of environmental conscienceness it would be a better idea to have him recycled... or bicycled... or Illiterate Harlot Bicycled :D

[djarumdudley]

how bout Bicycled a la playing cards?

[MrJan]

I prefer ooh lala playing cards, youknow the ones you snigger over as a kid

[schmenke]

Skip Toronto and continue on to Montreal.

[MrJan]

Unfortunately the plane is only landing in Toronto and I just love the Maple Leafs :p : Not really, my bro is there so going to visit him :)

[schmenke]

Tell your brother to move :p :

[Rollo]

King's Rook to Kings Rook 8 aught to do it; that way, you can just pick off the back line pieces thus rendering the King vulnerable.

[DonnieDarco]

Eh?

[Donney]

Obviously.

[Rollo]

This would be post 5555 for me, except in here they don't count :D

[Rollo]

Wooo boogety boo.

[Rollo]

Ok, the fun's already worn off from that... :(

[djarumdudley]

no, now it has.

[MrJan]

Yeeyyyyyyy

[Donney]

My last word.

[Rollo]

Forever? Hmm... if you say so.

[MrJan]

I don't say so

[djarumdudley]

you wouldn't without the last word.

[schmenke]

Yawn...

[MrJan]

stretch

[DonnieDarco]

I don't want to stretch! Jeez, some people are SO bossy :D

[MrJan]

Hey, at least I'm clean :p : :D

Pre-drinking last word :beer:

[DonnieDarco]

We only have your word for the clean part, and we know of your sordid affairs with bicycles :D

[MrJan]

Hey, judge not lest ye be judged. All I'm saying is that given your love of cat odours cannot be overlooked in this argument.

[Donney]

Whereas I'm only guilty of loving chocolate and Pringles, the LW is mine. :D

[NoahsGirl]

I'm sweet and innocent - so I'm taking the LW

[Donney]

You probably are, but the LW is mine.

[MrJan]

I'm sexy so I'm taking the LW

[djarumdudley]

hope the last word enjoyed it's time with you as it's my turn.

[DonnieDarco]

You want time with Miguel???? :D

[MrJan]

Everyone wants time with me, especially when I'm as drunk and sexy as I am right now :D

[Mp3 Astra]

It's against my morals to spend time with drunk and sexy fictional characters.

[Rollo]

How sexy is he though? Because I am a chap, I would wager not much.

[Mp3 Astra]

Depends on what kind of chap you are... but that's another long and interesting tale. The current tale is that I have the LW. The end.

[MrJan]

I am very sexy, and very hungover and also cold, not used to this much snow.

[Rollo]

I am very sexy, and very hungover

This says it all innit? :D

[MrJan]

This says that I have the LW, soon something else wil say that someone else has the last word but that's how it goes down sometimes.

[schmenke]

Burp...

[MrJan]

Fart

[CarlMetro]

parp

[Donney]

Uh?

I think I'll have the LW.

[CarlMetro]

really?

[Donney]

Indeed.

[schmenke]

Undoubtedly

[Mp3 Astra]

Shut up.

[MrJan]

My first LW since arriving back in Blighty

[Rollo]

Does this mean that in your own mind, that you are in fact bringing sexy back?

[DonnieDarco]

Only Justin Trousersnake can do that :D

[djarumdudley]

did he star in Black Snake Bone?

[Donney]

I don't know, I'll ask the LW if you don't mind.

[NoahsGirl]

LW doesn't care about the Trousersnake, it's here in Scotland with me caring about my Christmas!!

[MrJan]

You got a trousersnake for Christmas? :p :

[Donney]

I'll have the LW for Christmas.

[MrJan]

Really?

[Rollo]

I'm making a daft noise for Christmas

[CarlMetro]

nothing new there then :p :

[Mp3 Astra]

Plenty new here... A second just past... and another one... and another one while I was typing this. This could take a while; don't bother trying to steal the LW.

[Rollo]

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of a sling, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me. Somewhere a clock chimed three. An owl hooted in the nearby copse. No wind stirred the casement window. She stood in the pale, translucent light on the Persian carpet. A minute passed. Then another. Then, another minute. Then... another minute passed. Then another minute passed. And another. A further minute passed quickly, followed by another minute, when suddenly, a different minute passed, followed by another different minute. And another. And yet another further different minute. A minute passed. I glanced at my watch. It was a minute past. This was it. A minute passed. After a moment, another minute passed. I waited a minute while a minute passed quickly past. And then, a minute which seemed to last an hour but was only a minute... passed.

That was "A Minute Passed", by John Finlissom. You can hear Episode Nine of "A Minute Passsed" tomorrow night at a minute past.

[djarumdudley]

i reclaim the last word as i refuse to be without it for another.......minute......terrible....

[MrJan]

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of a sling, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me. Somewhere a clock chimed three. An owl hooted in the nearby copse. No wind stirred the casement window. She stood in the pale, translucent light on the Persian carpet. A minute passed. Then another. Then, another minute. Then... another minute passed. Then another minute passed. And another. A further minute passed quickly, followed by another minute, when suddenly, a different minute passed, followed by another different minute. And another. And yet another further different minute. A minute passed. I glanced at my watch. It was a minute past. This was it. A minute passed. After a moment, another minute passed. I waited a minute while a minute passed quickly past. And then, a minute which seemed to last an hour but was only a minute... passed.

That was "A Minute Passed", by John Finlissom. You can hear Episode Nine of "A Minute Passsed" tomorrow night at a minute past.

First heard that on Monty Python's Previous Record when I was about 8. My parents had sadly forgotten about all the swearing and adult humour and soon regretted it when me and my brother were running round the house shouting "'cause she's a f***ing princess that's why". Good times :D

[djarumdudley]

ha!!! that reminds me of when my mother took me to see
Eddie Murphy's Raw when i was eight. don't think i'll ever forget the look on the mom's face when she realized the inappropriateness factor!!i downside is that i a;so recall the ticket exchange for "The Presidio".......yeah i can't recall that film either....

[MrJan]

cheese

[Donney]

I like cheese.

[CarlMetro]

on toast?

[MrJan]

With brown sauce or a drop of lea and perrins :facelick:

[DonnieDarco]

I like pickled onions at Christmas.

[Donney]

I like all those things and I also like the Lw which is having coffee by my side.

[MrJan]

mmmmmmmmm and cheese

[Donney]

It wasn't coffee and cheese it was coffe and nice conversation if I recall correctly.

[MrJan]

Who said I was talking to you Donney? :p : ;)

[Donney]

The LW was talking to me....

Happy Boxing Day people!

[MrJan]

Happy Day After Exeter Beat Torquay 4-3 With Only Ten Men to all of you. The LW very much enjoyed being in a crowd of 7,800 people most of them cheering for the City :D :bounce:

[Donney]

I didn't know the LW likes football, you live you learn as they say.

[MrJan]

k8mj8ijm

[Rollo]

Just like the ad with that girl in the phone box, this is a perfect advert for drug abuse.

[MrJan]

You should never abuse drugs, treat them as you would anyone else.

[Donney]

That sounds fair.

[Captain VXR]

Uh huh

[Donney]

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

[MrJan]

cheese

[Captain VXR]

cheddar

[MrJan]

edam

[DonnieDarco]

Happy new year to all, and may those who want it have much cheese :D

[Captain VXR]

my first lw of 2008 :p

[MrJan]

ill

[Donney]

Take a pill, I'll take the LW.

[MrJan]

pills no work so i'll try the LW instead

[Donney]

The LW is not currently available.

[MrJan]

Certainly not, I have it :p :

[Donney]

Do you?

I thought you were ill....

[MrJan]

getting better especially with help from the LW

[schmenke]

Not any more...

[Mp3 Astra]

Just come away from my first online PS3 experience and I have to say; it's nearly as good as yoinking!

[Donney]

There's nothing like yoinking!

[MrJan]

mine

[schmenke]

Mine!

Yoinking rules!

[MrJan]

Yoinking is definately cool but the LW is not yours.

[DonnieDarco]

I agree with that.

[CarlMetro]

so do I :D

[MrJan]

Me too

[Donney]

I should be in bed by now....

[Donney]

Long live the Eastern Monarchies!!!!!


Nice blokes they are. :D

[MrJan]

I'm a nice bloke :D

[Donney]

I'll ask the LW for confirmation.

[MrJan]

The LW he say YES!!! :bandit:

[schmenke]

The LW doesn't know what it's talking about.

[Mp3 Astra]

LW say: "Oh Hai, I are in your house bein ur LW kthxbye".

It's been on the Bailey's.

[MrJan]

I love broadband. I can download music now and it doesn't take 45 minutes per track or 3 hours to download the Fighting Talk podcast

[Rollo]

LW say: "Oh Hai, I are in your house bein ur LW kthxbye".

It's been on the Bailey's.

Or it's a cat...

I maded you a cookie but I eated it?

[MrJan]

I burnt the roof of my mouth, it hurts.

[Mp3 Astra]

Waz it cheezbrgr?

[MrJan]

Npe bcn & eg srny. (Y wrtng lk ths?)

[Donney]

Do you, people, have anything against vowels? ;)

The Lw and I prefer the normal writing.

[Mp3 Astra]

Lolcat rules state that bad grammar must be used in order to be accepted as a proper lolcat. However I am not a lol cat, so I shall stop talking like that.

[Rollo]

Mr Astra is a really swinging hep cat.

Welcome to Jazz Club; have a real swell time.

[MrJan]

ewwww jazz.

[Rollo]

Off to sick bay with you, please get your mind out of your pants.

[MrJan]

My mind isn't in my pants, it's on how rubbish jazz is.

[Donney]

I much prefer blues.

[MrJan]

Damn straight, blues music is way cooler than jazz :up: :s mokin:

[Rollo]

Is there some way we can restart the two tone revolution? Bring back Ska!

[MrJan]

If you want. I bought a Madness record the other day so I've done my bit.

[Donney]

Don't count on me, I'm not a fan of ska, sounds like overreved reggae to me.

[MrJan]

Exactly. Very cool.

[schmenke]

Na na na na boo boo!

[MrJan]

Isn't that a Girls Aloud song?

[Rollo]

Na na na na

Na na na na
BATMAN!


Na na na na

Na na na na
BATMAN!

[MrJan]

Batman, Batman, Batman.

[RaikkonenRules]

Stop saying batman so much :p :

[Rollo]

Why? Batman founded Melbourne in 1835.

[MrJan]

Fishing, Fishing, Fishing.

[Donney]

Too much fish, I think.

[MrJan]

Too much? Or too little?

[RaikkonenRules]

too little fish fish fish fish fish fish fish :p :

[MrJan]

as in fish that are very, very small?

[schmenke]

Sounds fishy.

[Mp3 Astra]

Smells it too... DonnieDarco?

[MrJan]

No, you're getting confused because fish are eaten by cats, that's what Donnie smells of.

[schmenke]

It's the, uh, cat by-product that Donnie smells of...

:uhoh:

[MrJan]

you mean pee?

[DonnieDarco]

Shut it b!tches :D

[MrJan]

Shut what? The door?

[djarumdudley]

i'll be having the last word now. thanks for keeping it warm for me in my absence.

[DonnieDarco]

Shut what? The door?

Your great big flapping trap :D

[MrJan]

I don't have a trap.

[Mp3 Astra]

I have a trapping flap. Does that count?

[djarumdudley]

Your great big flapping trap :D

wow! a Ben Stiller show reference!!

[NoahsGirl]

My last word, we have some catching up to do

[schmenke]

All this talk of flapping traps is making both myself and the LW uneasy...

[Mp3 Astra]

Talking of uneasy...

[djarumdudley]

like you keepin the last word.

[Donney]

Which is back to me.

[MrJan]

rsgr

[Donney]

Jan has lost his vowels.

[schmenke]

Jan has lost his bowels

[Mp3 Astra]

Jan has lost his owls

[djarumdudley]

Jan has lost his scowls

[MrJan]

I've lost my cowls

[djarumdudley]

did you look under your bowls?

[MrJan]

I did but couldn't see past my jowels

[schmenke]

Try next to the dowels.

[Rollo]

Camilla Parker Bowles?