bzcam
27th April 2009, 19:01
This is the un-official 2009 Indy 500 Lollapalooza thread. Here we put our collective experience and group think together to predict and prognosticate many of the annually unpredicted (yet predictable) outcomes in the Indy 500 that have nothing to do with the winners circle. Here is my list of Lollapalooza categories and nominees. Any takers?
Driver most likely to crash out of the race first
Nominees
1. Milka Duno
2. Mike Conway
3. That unknown shirt tail relative Andretti guy..
Driver most likely to crash another driver out of the race
Nominees
1. Marco Andretti (trying to go high around someone)
2. Marco Andretti (trying to go low around someone)
3. Dan Wheldon (trying to go around Danica)
Driver most likely to run over someone in the pits
Nominees
1. Danica Patrick (and she won’t even say “I’m sorry”)
2. Milka Duno (won’t know she did it until after the race)
3. Mike Conway
Driver most likely to be the first one lapped
Nominees
1. Stanton Barrett (money trumps talent in the IRL)
2. Milka Duno (see #1. above)
3. Whoever drives the lone remaining G-Force Chassis
Highest qualifier to lowest finisher (who doesn’t crash)
Nominees
1. Ed Carpenter (flashes of brilliance, occasionally, sometimes)
2. Robert Doornbos (“when do I get to turn right?”)
3. Hideki Mutoh (why? Why?)
Highest finishing non-Big 2.25 finisher
Nominees
1. Graham Rahal (he’s only 19?)
2. Vitor Meira (put this guy in DP’s car and he’s a superstar)
3. Dan Wheldon
Highest woman finisher
Nominees
1. Danica Patrick (won’t win, will be someone else’s fault)
2. Sarah Fisher (won’t win, will be her fault and she’ll say so)
3. Milka Duno (won’t win race, but wins beauty contest before race)
4. Mike Conway (ok, but have you seen his picture at indycar.com?)
First woman out of the race
Nominees
1. Milka Duno (“marbles? Yes, I have marble in my kitchen”)
2. Sarah Fisher (shoestring budget will show in a 500 mile race)
3. Danica Patrick (won’t be her fault, no siree, not her, it will be Wheldon’s fault, or Briscoe, or Duno, or…)
Driver with the dumbest firesuit (hard to beat Marco’s Indiana Jones attire)
Nominees
1. Dan Wheldon (if having a sports drink bottle planted on your lips all during TV interviews counts)
2. Marco Andretti (proved he has no shame last year)
Highest finishing driver with a complicated, foreign sounding name
Nominees
1. Helio Castroneves (hello? Helio?)
2. Robert Doornbos (doornbos is Dutch for ‘one who processes cheese’)
3. Mario Moraes (more ayes? Less ayes? Who’s counting?)
Driver with the coolest name who won’t be at Indy
Nominees
1. Timo Glock (already declared the winner)
2. Scott Speed (now that’s a race car driver’s name, eh?)
3. Will Power (says it all)
Coolest looking vehicle on the track
Nominees
1. G-Force / Honda / Firestone
2. The Pace Car
3. That truck with blower thing they use to dry the track with
Most likely to go airborne
Nominees
1. Dario Franchitti (I think he’s earned his wings by now)
2. Marco Andretti (always a threat to create some excitement)
3. Paul Tracy (and, by God, he’ll do it on purpose)
So that’s the list. Nominations are still open and the nominating committee is still taking input on other categories. All we need is your feedback.
Our winners will receive VIP passes to the 2010 Champ Car World Series Grand Prix of Houston. Good Luck.
BZ
Driver most likely to crash out of the race first
Nominees
1. Milka Duno
2. Mike Conway
3. That unknown shirt tail relative Andretti guy..
Driver most likely to crash another driver out of the race
Nominees
1. Marco Andretti (trying to go high around someone)
2. Marco Andretti (trying to go low around someone)
3. Dan Wheldon (trying to go around Danica)
Driver most likely to run over someone in the pits
Nominees
1. Danica Patrick (and she won’t even say “I’m sorry”)
2. Milka Duno (won’t know she did it until after the race)
3. Mike Conway
Driver most likely to be the first one lapped
Nominees
1. Stanton Barrett (money trumps talent in the IRL)
2. Milka Duno (see #1. above)
3. Whoever drives the lone remaining G-Force Chassis
Highest qualifier to lowest finisher (who doesn’t crash)
Nominees
1. Ed Carpenter (flashes of brilliance, occasionally, sometimes)
2. Robert Doornbos (“when do I get to turn right?”)
3. Hideki Mutoh (why? Why?)
Highest finishing non-Big 2.25 finisher
Nominees
1. Graham Rahal (he’s only 19?)
2. Vitor Meira (put this guy in DP’s car and he’s a superstar)
3. Dan Wheldon
Highest woman finisher
Nominees
1. Danica Patrick (won’t win, will be someone else’s fault)
2. Sarah Fisher (won’t win, will be her fault and she’ll say so)
3. Milka Duno (won’t win race, but wins beauty contest before race)
4. Mike Conway (ok, but have you seen his picture at indycar.com?)
First woman out of the race
Nominees
1. Milka Duno (“marbles? Yes, I have marble in my kitchen”)
2. Sarah Fisher (shoestring budget will show in a 500 mile race)
3. Danica Patrick (won’t be her fault, no siree, not her, it will be Wheldon’s fault, or Briscoe, or Duno, or…)
Driver with the dumbest firesuit (hard to beat Marco’s Indiana Jones attire)
Nominees
1. Dan Wheldon (if having a sports drink bottle planted on your lips all during TV interviews counts)
2. Marco Andretti (proved he has no shame last year)
Highest finishing driver with a complicated, foreign sounding name
Nominees
1. Helio Castroneves (hello? Helio?)
2. Robert Doornbos (doornbos is Dutch for ‘one who processes cheese’)
3. Mario Moraes (more ayes? Less ayes? Who’s counting?)
Driver with the coolest name who won’t be at Indy
Nominees
1. Timo Glock (already declared the winner)
2. Scott Speed (now that’s a race car driver’s name, eh?)
3. Will Power (says it all)
Coolest looking vehicle on the track
Nominees
1. G-Force / Honda / Firestone
2. The Pace Car
3. That truck with blower thing they use to dry the track with
Most likely to go airborne
Nominees
1. Dario Franchitti (I think he’s earned his wings by now)
2. Marco Andretti (always a threat to create some excitement)
3. Paul Tracy (and, by God, he’ll do it on purpose)
So that’s the list. Nominations are still open and the nominating committee is still taking input on other categories. All we need is your feedback.
Our winners will receive VIP passes to the 2010 Champ Car World Series Grand Prix of Houston. Good Luck.
BZ