Joke Time [Archive] - Motorsport Forums

Easy Drifter

1st March 2009, 01:55

Let us see if this thread takes off.
Here is a start:

It is Donny's 19th birthday and he can now legally drink.
His father and grandfather had both walked across the Bay to the Yacht Club for their first legal drink.
Donny wanted to do the same.
He walked down to the water and started.
He was soon up to his knees in water.
Puzzled he came back out and decided to try by stepping off the dock.
That resulted in Donny being forced to swim back to shore.
Really confused now he went back to the house and asked his mother why he couldn't walk across the Bay like his father and grandfather had on their birthdays.
His mother looked at him and shook her head and then said:
"Donny, your father and grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."

This is a very Cdn. joke.

Easy Drifter

1st March 2009, 05:50

New day, new joke:

Doctors are threatening to go on strike.
Health Officials say they will be able to determine what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist to read the picket signs.

Daniel

1st March 2009, 09:27

This is a very Cdn. joke.

Are all Canadian jokes as bad? :mark: :p

Easy Drifter

1st March 2009, 10:40

No!!!!
They are worse. :eek:
Just wait for Monday's groaner. :D

markabilly

1st March 2009, 13:59

a doc gets in car wreck....serious so it appear....next day he limps into office, staff says well were you hurt in the wreck...doc says, "don't know yet, I can not get my lawyer to call me back"

Easy Drifter

2nd March 2009, 02:22

It is March 2 somewhere so:
This one is for Markabilly:

I am really sore this week. I have marks all over my body where women have hit me with 10 foot poles.

You live in North Simcoe County Ont. If:

Your idea of a traffic jam is waiting behind 6 cars in the coffee drive through.
You often switch from heat to a/c in your car on the same day.
You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both unlocked.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
Driving in the winter is better because the potholes are filled with snow.
You can drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of snow without flinching.
Someone offers you assistance in a store and they do not even work there.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You think the major food groups are beer, walleye, and venison.
Going down south means Barrie.

Your Father's day picnic was moved indoors due to frost and snow. :eek:

Rollo

2nd March 2009, 02:25

Financial Crisis Hits Japan

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks; Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Easy Drifter

2nd March 2009, 20:56

This summer be careful of fans in your house.
Backing into one could be a dis-asster.

Drew

3rd March 2009, 01:24

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Easy Drifter

3rd March 2009, 06:03

One beautiful Sunday morning everyone in the little village got up early and went to the local church.
Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Terrified everyone evacuated the church except for one elderly gentleman who calmly sat in his pew not moving.
This confused Satan who walked up to the man and asked 'Do you know who I am?
The man replied 'Yep, sure do."
Satan asked 'Are you not afraid of me?'
'Nope, sure ain't." said the old man.
Satan was perturbed at this and he fumed 'Why are you not afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied 'Been married to your sister for over 48 years.'

Tazio

3rd March 2009, 06:31

+/ "Well Patrick, isn't 28 a little old to be believin' in Leprachans? :p :

gadjo_dilo

3rd March 2009, 07:47

1, Two policemen have a discussion:
- Why does your kid sleep on the wardrobe?
- Bexause last time when he felt from the bed I didn't heared.

2. A policeman came home with the latest model of TV set.
- Where did you get it from?, asks his wife
- I won it at a contest organized by police.
- What kind of contest?
- Mathematics.
- And what had you to do?
- We were asked "how much is 5x5?" With the answer "17" I came the third.

3. Why do policemen wear metal stripes? To listern when it rains.
And why do they wear 2 stripes? To listern to it in stereophony.

4 What's the reason 2 policemen argue when they're riding a motor bike? Which one will take the window seat.

Easy Drifter

3rd March 2009, 18:01

A friend was pretty nervous about taking his car to a new mechanic.
He felt pretty good afterwards though.
It seems he was just down a litre of turn signal fluid.

Roamy

3rd March 2009, 18:53

guy is playing golf with his wife. tees off and hits her right in the head and kills her. during the autopsy the doctor says " I am very sorry. Here is your topflight that was embedded in her skull." Then the doctor says " but I do have one further question - i found a titleist up her ass" The man said "Oh that was my mulligan"

anthonyvop

3rd March 2009, 19:53

World's greatest Joke!

A Priest a Reverend and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender says: What is this? Some kind of joke?

Easy Drifter

4th March 2009, 07:54

A beautiful young blonde woman was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible, for her college class, and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one in the class to receive an A+.
She wrote:

Good God, I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it!

555-04Q2

4th March 2009, 10:53

An Irishman walked into a pub.

Camelopard

4th March 2009, 12:11

A Great Aussie Love Story equal to Romeo and Juliet.

Gazza is driving over the West Gate Bridge one day when he sees his Girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off. Gazza slams on the brakes and yells: "Shazza what the hell d'ya think ya doin'?"

Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says: 'G'day Gazza. You got me preggas, so now I'm gonna kill meself'.

Gazza gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. 'Jeez Shazza', he says 'Fair dinkum not only are ya a top root but you're a real sport too'

MrJan

4th March 2009, 12:19

Jimmy walks into a bakery and asks for a loaf of bread. The man behind the counter asks him white or brown? Jimmy replays "it doesn't matter, I've got the bike outside."

Easy Drifter

4th March 2009, 17:21

Mwanwhile back at the ranch the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a door shot his knob off.

Easy Drifter

5th March 2009, 07:19

An old farmer stood puzzled at the General Store. He was a tight on money and had to choose between a cow and a bicycle. He thought and thought.
He knew he would look pretty silly riding a cow.
But he thought he would look even sillier trying to milk a bicycle!

Easy Drifter

5th March 2009, 18:48

Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing the Lone Ranger was disguised as a cow milked him.

Easy Drifter

6th March 2009, 05:04

Two vampires walk into a bar. :vampire:
'What can I get ya?' asks the bartender.
The first vampire says' I will have a plasma and my friend will have a diet plasma.'
The bartender looks at them and says ' Let me get this straight. You want a blood and a blood lite?'

555-04Q2

6th March 2009, 05:23

Man says to prostitute, "sorry, but you're not my type. You're not inflatable".

Easy Drifter

6th March 2009, 06:10

Meanwhile back at the ranch The Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as an elevator went down on him.

chuck34

6th March 2009, 18:41

I saw this on someone's sig on another forum.

Due to fiscal constraints and envrionmental considerations ... the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Easy Drifter

6th March 2009, 21:21

Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing The Lone Ranger was disguised as a bugle blew him.

Camelopard

7th March 2009, 00:04

'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
'Is it common?'
"It's not unusual."

markabilly

7th March 2009, 04:14

It is March 2 somewhere so:
This one is for Markabilly:

I am really sore this week. I have marks all over my body where women have hit me with 10 foot poles.

. :eek:

You think you are sore?? :rolleyes:
How do you think I feel :eek: (or part of me anyway)??

How do you know you are a redneck? you got a home that is mobile and ten cars that ain't

markabilly

7th March 2009, 04:26

Mwanwhile back at the ranch the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a door shot his knob off.

Reminds me of the time I was forced to stop close to San Fransico, at a bar and ran into this Canadian who started bragging how tough he was....well I pulled out my colt 45 semi-auto, and told him, "I am soo tough I could take this .45 and shoot my finger off and never blink an eye." :mad:

Well that Canuck popped off, and said, "well see these two fingers, you can take that 45 and shoot them off and I won't blink and I won't cry" :mad: :mad:

So as we stood there in a big time stare down, this typical callifornia type from frisco, walks up, zips down his pants and pulls his knob out and lays it out on the bar. But he just stands there. Finally the tough Cannuck says, "well do you want us to shoot it off?"

The californian politely says with a smile, "No, just pet it, it will shoot itself off..."

Easy Drifter

7th March 2009, 05:49

If you love something set it free.
If it comes back it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back it was never yours to begin with.
BUT------
If it just sits in your living room, watches your TV, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, borrows your car, takes your money and doesn't realize you actually set it free in the first place you either married it or gave birth to it.

Easy Drifter

8th March 2009, 04:29

Six Stages of Married Life

1 Tri-Weekly
2 Try-Weekly
3 Try-Weakly
4 Try Oysters
5 Try Anything
6 Try to Remember

donKey jote

8th March 2009, 10:27

try to remember what? :dozey:
:laugh:

jso1985

8th March 2009, 23:26

Why Satan is considered to be God's unemployed brother?

Cause he lives on his basement...

Roamy

9th March 2009, 00:19

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the
Knife and charges at you.

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds
before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

.................................................. .......... ......

THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's
Answer

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that
would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife
think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about
this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would
he be content just to wound me?
If I were to gra b his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call
9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have
paint and weed day and
make this happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to
debate this with
some friends for few days and try to come to a
consensus.

.................................................. ......................

Republican's
Answer:

BANG!

................................ .................................

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those
the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist

Easy Drifter

9th March 2009, 00:58

Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing The Lone Ranger was disguised as a carpet laid him.

Easy Drifter

9th March 2009, 15:04

Plans are progressing for a new pirate movie.

Censors are already giving it a "AAAAAR" rating

Easy Drifter

10th March 2009, 07:50

How to Tell if You Attend a Hick Church

People ask when they learn Jesus fed the 5000 with two fish, whether they were Bass or Catfish and what bait was used to catch them.
Opening Day of deer season is recognized as a church holiday.
The final words of the benediction are 'Y'all come back now! Ya hear!'
The communion wine is Boone's Farm 'Tickled Pink'.
The minister and his wife drive matching 4x4 pickup trucks.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a 56 Chev.
High notes on the organ set the coon dogs on the floor to howling.
550 members and only 7 last names in the church directory.
Baptism is reffered to as branding.
When the Pastor says 'I'd like to ask Bubba to take up the offering.' Five men and two women stand up.

Easy Drifter

10th March 2009, 20:55

A constuction worker goes to his doctor and says 'Doctor, you have to help me. I am really constipated.
The doctor examines the man and then says 'Lean over the table.'
The constrution worker leans over the table and the doctor whacks him as hard as he can on the butt with a two by four.
The man makes a run for the bathroom and comes out twenty minutes later.
He says 'Doc I don't know what you did but I feel great now.'
"Wonderful' says the doctor 'and quit wiping with empty cement bags.' :eek:

Easy Drifter

11th March 2009, 08:18

Meanwhile back at the ranch the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a lamp turned him on.

Northern Monkey

11th March 2009, 18:42

Did you hear the one about the tractor? It turned into a field.

Alexamateo

11th March 2009, 20:50

Back in 1994, Tommy Tuberville was hired to be the head coach of the Ole Miss (University of Mississippi) Rebels college football team. It was his first head coaching job. He needed some advice, so one day he sought out Jackie Sherrill, the coach of intrastate rival Mississippi State Bulldogs.

"Coach Sherrill," he said, "this is my first head coaching job, and I've got to admit, I'm a little nervous, I mean, This is the SEC! I want to ask you, How can I get as tough as you are?"

"I'll tell you what, Tommy," Coach Sherrill replied, "I'm going to Louisiana next week, Why don't you come along and I'll show you."

Well, next week came, and they went to Louisiana. They drove off into the swamps as far as they could go, and then they got out and walked with Coach Sherrill picking up a 2x4 piece of lumber he had placed in the back seat.

"What's the 2x4 for?" asked Coach Tuberville.

"You'll see", replied Coach Sherrill.

They went down the trail to the edge of the bayou, and Jackie said, "This looks about right, Watch"

Coach Sherrill then proceeded to unzip his pants and pulled out his pecker, and AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, A HUGE ALLIGATOR LEAPT OUT OF THE SWAMP, CLAMPED ON IT AND TRIED TO START DRAGGING COACH SHERRILL INTO THE BAYOU.

But Coach Sherrill calmly took the 2x4, and WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!, he beat that gator over the head with such force that it let go and disappeared back into the swamp.

"You see," said Coach Sherrill, "that's how you get to be as tough as I am."

"OK", said Coach Tuberville, as he started bending down, "but please don't hit me as hard as you hit that gator."

:p :

Easy Drifter

12th March 2009, 08:48

The OPP pulled over a tractor trailer on the 401 that was being driven a little erratically. Upon further investigation they found out it was being driven by a pig.
It was the first 18 squealer they had ever stopped.

Easy Drifter

13th March 2009, 02:08

Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing the Lone Ranger was disguised as a log planked him.

I've got that dreaded furniture disease.

That is when your chest is falling into your drawers.

emporer_k

13th March 2009, 17:32

A man is driving along a motorway when the traffic comes to a stop.

After about an hour sat without moving moving the man notices someone coming from where the front of the hold up must be so winds his window down and asks him "whats going on"

"Terrorists have captured every member of parliament and threatening to set them on fire unless we give them £10,000,000 , so we are having a whipround." replied the man standing in the road.

So the drievr asks: "How much is everybody donating?"

"About a gallon"

Easy Drifter

13th March 2009, 22:25

Meanwhile back at the ranch The Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a candle lit his wick.

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colours, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered women, invented sex.
Women discovered sex, invented headache.

Man has been all screwed up ever since!

Easy Drifter

14th March 2009, 06:09

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the desert. They got their tent set up and quickly went to sleep.
Some hours later Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says 'Kemo Sabi, look towards the sky, what you see?'
The Lone Rnager replies 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asks Tonto
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute and then says 'Astromomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of Galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Meterologically it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you Tonto/'
Tonto is silent for a moment then says 'Kemo Sabi, you idiot, someone has stolen tent!'

Easy Drifter

14th March 2009, 18:28

Billy-Jo-Bob and Bubba have gone back packing deep in the mountains, miles from anywhere. They set up camp and Billy-Jo-Bob goes out in the woods to have a leak. Suddenly there is a scream and he comes running back to camp.
Bubba yells 'What's wrong?'
Biily-Jo-Bob moans 'A rattler just bit me on the end of my thing. I'm going to die.
Bubba says 'Hang on. I will use my Cell phone and call for help.'
He dials 911 and tells the operator what has happened. She patches him through to Emerg.
Bubba explains to the doctor what has happened and asks what to do.
The doctor tells Bubba that he will have to take a very sharp knife and cut a small incision where the rattler bite was. Then he will have to suck the venom out being carefull not to swallow any of it.
Bubba, ashen faced, goes back to Billy-Jo-Bob.
Billy-Jo-Bob looks at Bubba and asks 'What did the doctor say?'
Bubba looks pained and replies 'He said you are going to die.'

Magnus

14th March 2009, 22:06

Even though i am from Sweden I the other day ended up with an english joke, which I have been testing on som e english friends. They approved, or maybe they were just being kind :) Ok here goes:
- Do you know why people from Rumania don´t emigrate that much?
- No...?
- Because they rumain...

Magnus

14th March 2009, 22:08

Ok I´ll try this one aswell, even though it is really bad:
- Have you heard about the meteorologist?
- Nope...
- Whether or not?

Sorry about that: you should hear me in swedish...

Easy Drifter

15th March 2009, 05:01

A man in Memphis had a wee bit to much to drink. About 5 blocks from the bar the police pull him over at a spot check. They ask him to get out of the car and do the walk the line test.
Just them the police radio blares out about a robbery in progress about a block away.
They tell him to stay put and take off in one of the cruisers.
The guy waits a while and then decides to drive home. He tells his wife that he is going to bed and if anyone comes looking for him that he has the flu.
A couple of hours later the police knock at the door. They ask to see him and she tells them he is in bed with the flu.
The police have his drivers licence and ask to see his car. She ask why but they insist on seeing his car.
She finally takes them out to the garage and opens the door where they find a police car with the lights still flashing.

UltimateDanGTR

15th March 2009, 19:08

An englishman, an Irishman and a scotsman went on holiday together to Iraq. They were having fun, and so they decided to open a couple of cans of cool fresh beer. as soon as a drop of the beer had touched there tongues, The police turned up and they were all arrested for drinking alcohol. after several days in prison, it was decided that they could be released and let back to their countries if they had 50 whippings each first. The 3 agreed. Each were told that they could be granted 1 request for when they are wipped.

The scotsman was first, and his request was to have a cushion tied to his back whilst being whipped. The scotsman cried in pain as the whip went right through the cushion.

The englishman was next. His request was that he have 2 cushions tied to his back, but this didnt matter as the whip went through both cushions with ease and hurt the englishman very badly.

when it was the irishmans turn, he said ''Ah! why not give me 200 whips!'' the Iraqians happily said OK. ''but what is your request'' they said. ''Ah!'' said the Irishman, ''Tie the englishman to my back!''

Easy Drifter

16th March 2009, 12:53

I took my daughter to her first hockey game.
Unfortunately it wasn't very exciting game.
Midway through the 3rd period the home team finally scored.
The giant scoreboard screen immediately began to flash the word 'G O A L'.
Over the roar of the crowd my daughter leaned over and in loud voice asked 'Who's Al?'

Easy Drifter

17th March 2009, 14:30

Explanation: Orillia is called Mariposa in Stephen Leacock's famous 'Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town'.

A couple from Toronto are completely lost and end up at Orillia's waterfront.
'Excuse me,' said the driver to a passing young lady 'We are lost. Would you tell me where we are and what is the name of that beautiful lake?'
The young lady smiled at the couple and repied 'Orillia- Mariposa, Couchicing.'
The man's mouth dropped open and he he said to his wife 'We are a way up North. They don't even speak English here!'

Easy Drifter

18th March 2009, 17:23

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfatheer had passed away Katie rushed to her grandparents house to comfort her 95 year old grandmother.
When she asked how her grandfather had passed away her grandmother replied 'He had a heart attack while we were having sex on Sunday morning.'
Horrified Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no my dear' replied Granny 'Many years ago realizing our advancing age we figured out the best time to do it would be Sunday morning when the church bells started to ring. It was just the right rythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply up on the ding and down on the dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear and continued 'and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along he would still be alive today.'

donKey jote

18th March 2009, 21:08

meanwhile the economic crisis hits Germany and the sausages take a turn for the wurst :dozey:

Easy Drifter

19th March 2009, 15:03

JOB MARKET JARGON

Problem solving skills a must.
You are walking into a co. in constant chaos.

Duties will vary.
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Career Minded.
You will be flipping hamburgers until you are 70.

Self motivated.
Management will not answer questions.

Ability to handle a heavy workload.
You whine, you are fired.

Flexible hours.
Work 55 hours, get paid for 37.

Roamy

19th March 2009, 20:27

the best

http://www.maniacworld.com/OctoMom-Giving-Birth.html

Easy Drifter

20th March 2009, 06:55

My Grandfather is hard of hearing.
He needs to read lips.
I don't mind him reading lips but he uses a yellow highlighter.

Easy Drifter

21st March 2009, 03:50

A little boy goes to his father and asks ' Daddy, how was I born?
The father answers ' Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via E- mail with your mom and we met at a cyber cafe. Then we snuck into a secluded room. As soon as I was ready to upload we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall and since it was too late to hit the delete button nine months later a blessed little Pop up appeared and said "you have got male".

markabilly

22nd March 2009, 16:09

There was a doctor, an engineer and a lawyer stuck on a deserted island for many many months. One morning they woke and found this incredible gorgeous babe of perfect porportions laying on the beach, obviously washed up from who knows where, laying there as naked as can be, without a stitch of clothing or anything else to be see.

As they gathered around her, as she lay sleeping all so innocently, the engineer says "man oh man, i been without for too long, i say we scr*w her"
The doc, say "I agree, sc*w her!!!!!"

The lawyer says, "You idiots! Out of what?"

Easy Drifter

22nd March 2009, 16:45

donKey jote

22nd March 2009, 17:01

what's the difference between markabilly and a donkey?
markabilly has forearms :dozey:
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

markabilly

22nd March 2009, 17:14

what's the difference between markabilly and a donkey?
markabilly has forearms :dozey:
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

and just what makes you think I have forearms??

you and easy might want to start running real fast because neither kool aid nor hiding will do you no good :mad:

Easy Drifter

22nd March 2009, 17:16

An old drunk stumbles into a Baptiamal service down by the river one Sunday afternoon.
He walks into the river beside the preacher.
The preacher notices the old drunk and says 'Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?'
The old boy looks back and says 'Yes preacher, I sure am.'
The preacher dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
'Have you found Jesus?' the preacher asks.
'Nooo I didn't.' the old drunk sputters.
The preacher in disgust holds the old boy under for at least thirty seconds this time. He brings him out of the water and asks in a harsh tone' Have you found Jesus yet?'
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

donKey jote

22nd March 2009, 17:19

and just what makes you think I have forearms??

you and easy might want to start running real fast because neither kool aid nor hiding will do you no good :mad:

no probs... I got four legs :dozey:

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

markabilly

22nd March 2009, 17:41

Speaking of jokes, I could say did you hear the one about Danica.....but all the real racers and racing fans I know immediately start laughing so loud and choking, I can never get the rest of it out about her slot being promised for the 500...........

markabilly

22nd March 2009, 19:40

Comments from Markabilly's performance reviews:

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled.
If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean.
He is not so much of a has been but more of a definite won't be.
This gentleman has delusions of adequacy.
He should go far and the sooner he starts the better.
He would argue with a signpost.
If he were anymore stupid he would be watered twice a week.

Wecome back my favourite sparring partner. I know you will make me pay for this. :D :eek:

well I wish I could come up some good payback, but unfortunately after much thought I have concluded that I cannot. :confused:

But I do have a question about your stories you have been telling. I figured out who the Lone Ranger is, you crafty guy, but I can not figure out why you keep calling the other guy, "Tonto".

Is that his real name or something you made up when you talk of the adventures you guys have had together?

Easy Drifter

22nd March 2009, 22:50

Meanwhile back at the ranch Tonto not knowing the Lone Ranger was disguised as a piano tickled his ivories.

Careful paleface. I am honing my scalping knife. :eek:

donKey jote

22nd March 2009, 23:32

markabilly I think it's because all people from Toronto are a bit Tonto

markabilly

23rd March 2009, 00:24

markabilly I think it's because all people from Toronto are a bit Tonto

...that is certainly queer...opps I mean odd....thought that was only true in Frisco....err, I think I better go shave my head.... :burnout:

Easy Drifter

23rd March 2009, 00:29

I concur. The closest I have been to the Big Smoke (aka Toronto) in 4 years is Mosport.
I live in the wilds (at least to people from the GTA) about 120 k North.
Excuse me I have to go feed the sled dogs.
I mean we have 9 months of winter and 3 months of poor sledding! :rotflmao:

markabilly

23rd March 2009, 00:34

Careful paleface. I am honing my scalping knife. :eek:

I think he means you el donkey. Be glad, because dull kives are more painful

markabilly I think it's because all people from Toronto are a bit Tonto

That's certainly a bit queer...err I mean odd...I thought the bit Tonto people were all from frisco or brazil

Easy Drifter

23rd March 2009, 01:36

Meanwhile back at el ranchero the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a bull rode him bareback. :s hock:

markabilly

23rd March 2009, 01:41

Meanwhile back at el ranchero the Lone Ranger not knowing Tonto was disguised as a bull rode him bareback. :s hock:
The Pope approves your devotion to the one true faith...

Easy Drifter

23rd March 2009, 02:09

Maybe not.
Meanwhile back at the Circle K ranch Tonto not knowing the Lone Ranger was disguised as a cow milked him. :erm:

markabilly

23rd March 2009, 02:17

Maybe not.
. :erm:
You may be right. Don't tell him about the same sex marriage and he will otherwise approve....
btw-the one above is a repeat...

markabilly

23rd March 2009, 02:44

there was the guy from kansas, so broke had to sell his car for gas money....then there was the guy watching a nastcar race on TV at a bar. Suddenly through the window, he sees a funeral procession going by. He jumps, pulls off his bodurham hat and hollers "silence!!" After the procession has completely passed by, he sits down.
The others are so impressed, they voice their admiration--"was a fine thing you did, to pay your respects like that!!"

He replies, "wern't nothing. After all we had been married now going on thirty years...."

Easy Drifter

23rd March 2009, 03:19

In that case:
Meanwhile back at the Running Iron Ranch Tonto not knowing the Lone Ranger was disguised as a lollipop licked his tip. :p

Easy Drifter

23rd March 2009, 13:55

It was entertainment night at the Seniors' centre and Claudio the Amazing Hypnotist was the feature headliner.
Seniors came from miles around to see this famous hypnotist do his stuff.
The excitement was almost electric as Claudio withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It has been in my family for 6 generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while chanting 'Watch the watch, watch the watch.'
The seniors became meserized as the watch swayed back and forth.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the watch as it swayed back and forth.
Suddenly it slipped from Claudio's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into little pieces.
'Crap' said Claudio.
It took three days to clean up the Seniors' centre.

Easy Drifter

24th March 2009, 05:21

God was talking to one of the angels and said 'I have just created this spinning earth which contains a 24 hour period with alternating light and dark.'
The angel said 'What are you going to do now?'
God replied 'I think I am going to call it a day.'

When the chips are down the Buffalo is empty.

donKey jote

24th March 2009, 21:33

Easy Drifter goes up to Markabilly and says "can I smell your pussy?"
"certainly not you filthy old donkey" is Markabilly's disgusted response.
"oh" says Easy... "must be your Kool-Aid then"
:dozey:

Easy Drifter

25th March 2009, 02:54

Careful now or I will post the other name for a DonKey, Jack :D

Easy Drifter

25th March 2009, 21:45

You heard about the new beer that tastes like potato chips?
It is called Spud Lite.

Tazio

25th March 2009, 21:52

You heard about the new beer that tastes like potato chips?
It is called Spud Lite.May I replace spud lite, with "Spud Like" :)
Thanks in advance,
taz

On a similar note

must be your Kool-Aid then"
If it's alcoholic you could name it "Pud Like"
Sincerely,
taz

emporer_k

25th March 2009, 22:09

Last night an entire city in Yorkshire was stolen.

The police are looking for leeds.

Easy Drifter

26th March 2009, 21:38

Things learned from Children

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not stong enough to rotate a 42 Lb. boy wearing puppy underwear and a superman cape.

Pool filters do not like Jello.

Cats throw up twice their weight when dizzy.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

Brake fuild mixed with clorox makes smoke and lots of it.

The Fire Dept. has at least a 5 minute response time.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'Uh-oh.' it is already too late.

markabilly

26th March 2009, 22:14

Easy Drifter

27th March 2009, 00:00

The extremely polite blind gentleman is walking by a fish market.
He tips his hat and says 'Good Morning Ladies.'

markabilly

27th March 2009, 01:20

donKey jote goes walking up to a very old and well used hooker who has just jumped out of a car after providing some services to three dudes in the car and starts drinking from a mug.....el bruite donKey starts sniffing and says, "ah, I can tell you are drinking some markabilly special Kool aid, love the stuff myself!"

"no," she says, "it is just water...."
and then don Key says, "well could I have a little taste?"
She says, "I drank it all"
He says. "Not that........"

that should teach you to bring the slurp that refreshes and numbs the brain into disrepute

Easy Drifter

27th March 2009, 02:01

Got to be careful with that water stuff. Fish poop and fonicate in it.

markabilly

27th March 2009, 04:23

Got to be careful with that water stuff. Fish poop and fonicate in it.
that is why I avoid the stuff, even when mixing the kool aid

anyway, there was old el donKey and easy drifter standing around in a bar when up walks the cutest little blond. They are start talking and the next thing they know she is dragging el donKey into the restroom locks the door and tells el donk to let's get it on.

Well ole vulture says amen and gets ready to jump the hump when she says stop! "put this on" and hands him a condom.. Donkey sarts to whine but she says use or lose it because I do not want to get preganent. donokey says well yes I ain't losing out on this.
So he puts it on, thye do it.

she kicks the donkey out of the restroom and lassoses in ole easy, tells him the same, i dont want to get preganent, and ole easy thinking he will never live long enough for another such opportunity, puts it on, they get it on.

about six months later there is the donk and easy at the same bar. Easy says, "did you really like that blonde?"
donkey says well sort of.
easy says "do you really care that much?"" Donk say "?????"
well it has been about six months since we saw her last....yeah I know says the Donk
Easy say, "do you really care about her and whether she gets preganent?"

Donk says no, not really
So easy says "well what do you think?"
Donk say "yes, I think it is time."
Easy say, "I agree, let us take these rubbers off...."

Easy Drifter

27th March 2009, 05:38

Markabilly kept complaining to the Tech Support Centre that he was constantly being paged by Lucille
He was told he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number so I can't call her back." whined Markabilly.
The Tech boys asked how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name." moaned Markabilly.
The Tech crew checked and discovered that Markabilly had a numeric only pager.
They asked "How does she spell her name."
"Markabilly replied LOW-CELL."

markabilly

27th March 2009, 15:46

Easy quit your lieing about me!! NOW!! I never ever got no call from low cell, but every now and then i get this call from battery...beginning to think it must be you

Easy Drifter

27th March 2009, 17:01

Biggest effing joke of the year: TSN and TSN2

BLACKING OUT SPEED COVERAGE OF F1 AND THEN NOT SHOWING IT ON THEIR 2 CHANNELS.

WELL IN MY CASE, TSN IT HAS BACKFIRED.

MAYBE I AM CUTTING OFF MY NOSE TO SPITE MY FACE BUT I WILL NEVER WATCH ANOTHER SHOW ON TSN.

I have lost most of my interest in F1 anyway and if I want to watch any other racing including NASCAR I will watch US channels.

themo

27th March 2009, 22:01

One day a teacher told her student's to make a sentence using the math terms add, subtract, divide, multiply. When time was over she called on a student named Johnny he said this is the process of having sex. He said, first you add the bed, subtract the clothes, a divide the legs and hope you don't multiply.

markabilly

28th March 2009, 00:07

Easy Drifter

28th March 2009, 23:32

A freighter loaded with yo yos bound for Long Beach got caught in a violent storm.
It sank 65 times!

A cheetah clone was found dead at the city zoo.
The police suspect a copy cat killer.

Easy Drifter

29th March 2009, 00:38

Meanwhile back at the G W B ranch the Lone Ranger and Tonto not knowing Markabilly was disguised as a wall plastered him!

markabilly

29th March 2009, 17:08

meanwhile back at the farm, old Easy, while he was living in the foothills of Arkansas, had the worst horror of a first marriage.
He goes and gets married but about 11pm on his wedding night, he shows back up at home!!
His momma says, "Easy, why have you come home to Momma on your wedding night?"
He says, "oh momma, it is so horrible, I never would have believed it, I got to leave that girl!!"
His Momma, most alarmed, says "Why, Esay?"
And Esay Say, "Mommie, she is a....a...virgin"

Momma pats him on the back, and says, "I can't blame you my precious son, she ain't good enough for you, if she ain't good enough for her own family"

Easy Drifter

30th March 2009, 01:23

markabilly

30th March 2009, 01:37

Markabilly called 911 in a panic on his cell phone.
He reported that his car had been broken into and he is hysterical.
He reports to the 911 dispatcher that the steering wheel, the dashboard, his eight track, the brake pedal and even the accelerator had been stolen from his prized Edsel.
The dispatcher said ' Be calm, an officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later upon his arrival the officer radios in.
'Disregard' he says. 'The old fool got in the back seat by mistake.' :dozey:

More like the wrong old fool got into the wrong car, cuase while I may have owned a black ford escort, i never owned no edsel

.........

Speaking of cop calling, there was this lawyer (aka jote or ass buzzard) who bought a brand new mercedes benz. He was on his way to see Esay and his mommie about what he could do to get Esay out of his first marriage since talking to Esay on the phone and trying to remind him that Esay ought to show more respect for the girl and not get so upset, since technically speaking she was his niece and still a mere 12 years old

but anyway, he stopped at macdonald, and started to get out, when this big truck driven by some el markabilly slammed into the open door and ripped it right off. As the truck was driving off, the lawyer seen a cop and started cop calling.

The officer immediately responded to the scene and the lawyer started demanding justice, capture and all the rest cause of the damage to his new mercedes.

The office being the observant type, asked him, "Are you a lawyer? "

The lawyer immediately inquired as to how he knew.
Officer said, "Because you are so materialistic, you noticed the car damage, but never noticed that truck ripped off your arm and took it with it."

Upon which the lawyer looked down where his arm used to hang and let out a loud wail, "ooooohhhh, MMMYYY GGGGOODD!!! NOT my new ROLEX!!!!

Easy Drifter

30th March 2009, 22:52

China has announced that it hopes to land a man on the moon this year after the successful launch of their Shenzou Rocket which contained a monkey, a dog, a rabbit and snails or as the Chinese public called it a #36 with rice.

themo

31st March 2009, 11:51

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street.

The brunette says to the blonde, "My boyfriend has dandruff so I give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?!?!"

mate

31st March 2009, 13:13

I like the video and jokes guys keep it up

Easy Drifter

1st April 2009, 03:24

Two dogs are out for a walk.
One dog says to the other "Wait a minute. I will be right back."
He trots across the street and sniffs a fire hydrant for about a minute, then rejoins his friend.
"What was that all about?" the other dog asks.
"Just checking my messages."

themo

1st April 2009, 11:56

A boy comes home from school one day with a question on his mind, and goes to his father for an answer. "Father," he asks, "what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" His father is thoughtful for a moment, and then replies, "Well, I'll tell you what, son. Go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars."

The boy is confused, but follows his father instructions, and proceeds into the kitchen. When he returns, he tells father, "She said she would, Dad..." His father again looks thoughtful, and so the boy asks, "Now will you teach me the difference between potential and reality?"'

The father says, "I will, son, but first, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the mailman for a million dollars." The boy is even more puzzled, but does as his father says. After he return from his sister's room, he says, "Yes, dad, she said she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars. Now will you teach me the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father looks up at his son, and says, "Alright son, think about this: Potentially, we've got two million dollars, but realistically - we're just living with a couple of sluts."

Tazio

1st April 2009, 14:26

A gentleman is at an Irish Pub on Saint Patrick’s Day. Having swilled a lot of beer he goes into the men’s room to relieve himself! Using the urinal right next to him is a 4ft tall man. The gentleman couldn't help notice how incredibly well endowed the little guy was, and commented: "You’re awfully well hung for such a small man"! To which the little one replied: Didn't you know us leprechauns are really well hung"? The gentleman replied: No! I had no idea"!
Suddenly the gentleman grabs the little guy and say: "Hey I know the rules! If you catch a leprechaun he has to grant me three wishes!" Aye laddie sure and you've got me. What will your wishes be" Gentleman:"First I want a car, a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow" Little guy: "It's out in the parking lot waiting for you right now! The keys are in it! And what would your second wish be"? I want a woman the most beautiful sexy woman in the world" Little guy: “She’s in the car waiting for you right now"! And what would your final wish be"? "I want an inexhaustible supply of money"! Little guy: Every time you reach into the glove compartment you will pull out ten one-hundred dollar bills"! The gentleman is overcome with joy, he says: "This is great I can't believe my luck"! "I must inform you of one provision the little guy says. You have to let me take you in the arse to consummate the deal"! :eek: The gentle man looking at the little guys massive man-piece says "I don't know I'm not into that sort of thing plus you could kill someone with that thing.....Oh but I guess it's worth it" So the little guy climbs up on the urinal and gives it to the guy. I mean he is really in' this guy!! The little guy starts to engage in casual conversation: "What's your name laddie"? The gentleman replies in tears Ma My Name is Easy-Donks-Makabilly". "Roughly, how old would you happen to be laddie"? says the little guy! "Ah I I'm between 35 and 70”! E.D.M. replies painfully. To which the little guy replies:
Don't you think that's a little old to be believin' in Leh pray cans"? :dozey:

emporer_k

1st April 2009, 18:57

A woman is out doing the shopping one day when she goes into a pet shop. Their is a parrot for sale for £5, which she does not think can be right so double checks with the proprioter who tells her that the parrot is so cheap because it used to work in a house of ill repute and it says some quite unplesent things so whoever buys it keeps returning it and demanding their money back.

She decided to buy the parrot anyway and takes it home, however when she gets home and takes the sheet off the parrots cage it says:

"new house, new maddam".

She stares at the parrot for a moment and then starts laughing, and waits for her two daughters to come home from school, wandering what they will make of the parrot.

When the daughters come home from school they walk into the living and find the parrot which says:

"New house, new maddam, new girls."

Bothe the woman and her daughters laugh at this, and wander what the parrot will say to the womans husband.

3 Hours later the husband returns home after a day at work, he walks into the living room where the rest of the family are waiting to see what the parrot will say.

And it says:

"Hello Dave"

Easy Drifter

1st April 2009, 22:57

Remarks by the usual suspects during Colonoscopies:

Markabilly: You know in Arkansas we are now legally married.
Donkey: Any sign of the trapped Miners chief?
Easy Drifter: You used to be an Oil Co. executive didn't you?
Taz: Could you write a note for my wife saying my head is not up there?

themo

1st April 2009, 23:42

There was this man who was just getting married, but he didn't know how to have sex. So he asked his dad, "What do I do?" His dad said, "Take a walkie-talkie with you and I will tell you what to do” So he gets married and carries his newly wed into the honeymoon suite and throws her on the bed. He walks into the other room and calls his dad on the walkie-talkie, "Dad, what do I do?" "Ok, first take off her clothes and start kissing her." So, he does what his dad said. Then he goes into the room and calls him, "Now what?" "Then you start touching her." So he starts to touch her. Then he goes back to the walkie-talkie, "NOW what?" "Ok, son," replies his dad. "Now here comes the best part. Take what you and me BOTH have.... and stick it into her!" So the man runs into the room and sticks the walkie-talkie into her.

Easy Drifter

2nd April 2009, 05:40

Three engineers are discussing who designed the human body.
The first one said 'It must have been an electrical engineer, because of all the complex nerve endings and circuits.'
The second one says 'It had to have been a mechanical engineer because of the perfect movement of all the joints.'
The third engineer is silent as he thinks for a couple of minutes before finally repying.
'No. You are both wrong. It had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'

gadjo_dilo

2nd April 2009, 10:43

At shopping:

A new shopping center where women may buy a husband is opened in Mew York. At the entrance they diplayed the rules :
- You may visit the shop just once
- There are 6 floors and men characteristics improve the higher the floor is.
- You may pick any man from a floor or you may go to the next level
- You're not allowed to go back to the previous floor.

A woman decides to visit the shop to find a man

There'a a poster on the door of the first floor: These men have a job! The woman decides to go higher.

There'a a poster on the door of the second floor: These men have a job and love children. The woman decides to go to the next level.

There'a a poster on the door of the third floor: These men have a job, love children and are extremely handsome. Wow, says the woman but still decides to go to the next level.

There'a a poster on the door of the 4th floor: These men have a job, love children, are extremely handsome and help with the house cleaning. Incredible, says the woman. Hard to resist but still decides to go to the next level.

There'a a poster on the door of the 5th floor: These men have a job, love children, are extremely handsome , help with the house cleaning and are very romantic. The woman is tempted tp stay and pick a guy but still decides to go to the next level.

There'a a poster on the door of the 6th floor: You're the 31.456.012 th visitor of this floor. There aren't men, this floor is meant to prove that it's imposible to satisfy a woman. Thank you for visiting us.

Across the street a similar shop is opened for men who wants to buy a wife.
On the first floor there are women who are crazy for sex.

On the second floor there are women who are crazy for sex and don't nag you

The 3-6 floors have never been visited.

555-04Q2

2nd April 2009, 12:48

Bruce is walking on his farm with a sheep under each arm. His mate calls out to him, "Hey Bruce! You gonna sheer those sheep?" Bruce replies, "No mate, I'm shagging them meself!"

Easy Drifter

2nd April 2009, 17:00

News Flash from FIA Headquarters:

The results of the 2009 Drivers and Constuctors Championships will be announced APRIL 1, 2010.

The results of the 2010 Drivers and Constuctors Championship will be announced December 25, 2009.

Drivers and Constuctors please ensure your positions in these championships are ensured with suitable $$ to the 'MM and BE' Retirement Fund. Deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009.

F1fanru

2nd April 2009, 22:33

I took a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame during the Listeria outbreak where I kissed the Stanley Cup. When I got back home I went to see my doctor, I asked him if I could catch Listeria from kissing the Stanley Cup? He told me not to worry that the Cup hasn't been touched by a Maple Leaf product in 40 years.

markabilly

3rd April 2009, 04:38

A
Don't you think that's a little old to be believin' in Leh pray cans"? :dozey:
Tazio!! I did not know you were a "Leh pray can". Guess that who explains Tonto is...Tonto/ Tazio...Should have seen the connection right off....and explains the solid support and understanding you have for Max and his peculiar problem :love:

But I would suggest you not be telling any more lies about "EDM", cause Max and Ioan might both start to beleive you and think you be "two timing" them :mad:

But now that I think about, I remember the story that your mommie told me about your military experience, when you called home one time as just a youngster....you remember, the parachuting "drill"

Taz: "Mommie, They made me go up in a big plane to parachute"
Momie: "Were you scared my little sweet tazioareno?"
Taz: "Well sort of..."
Mom:"Well me all about it"
Tazioreneo: "well we all stood up in a line and they opened this big door and said JUMP, but I was scared and got last in line. And Mommie, when it came my turn to jump, I just could not do it!!!!This big master sargent major told me I better or else!!"

Momie: "Or else what?"
Tazio: "He said he was gay, and that if I did not jump out of the plane, I would have to assume the position and be prepared for his u-know-what in my u-know-what!!!"

Momie: "So did you jump?"
Taz: "Just a little bit at first..."

:eek:

Easy Drifter

3rd April 2009, 06:03

Note on a car illegally parked in a handicap zone:

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

themo

3rd April 2009, 10:23

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “Pig! ”The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “Bitch!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner; he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

markabilly

3rd April 2009, 12:30

thre was a woman who seeeing the house across the street was being remodeled, asked how it was going. Great was the response, so she asked the contractor if he could repaint the interior of her house. he said sure what colors. She said well come into the living room. I want this sort of a light blue. So the contractor says excuse me, leans out the window and hollers "green side up"
They go to the kitchen and she says "sort of a light aqua". He leans out the window and hollers "green side up". Finally they go to the bedroom, she says "just white". So he leans out the window and hollers "green side up"

Finally she says "that is an interesting code you have for painting, but I do want these different colors, so how will they know which is which?"

The man looks puzzled for a second and then smiles, "That was no code, that was meant for Easy and Taz, they are outside planting bushes"

Easy Drifter

3rd April 2009, 16:51

Markabilly and his lady are in bed together.
She feels his hand starting to rub her arm and she says 'Oh that feels good.'
His hand moves to her shoulder and she smiles.
Finally his hand moves to her neck and she sighs.
But then he abruptly stops.
She quickly sits up and asks, 'Why did you stop?'
Markabilly responds 'I found the remote.'

Alexamateo

3rd April 2009, 19:53

When Markabilly was a little boy, his momma sent him off for his very first day of school, telling him to pay attention to the teachers, and "git some learnin'."

Well, it wasn't more than an hour that Markabilly shows up back on the doorstep at home. "Markabilly!", says his momma, "It's not time for you to be home from school yet, What's wrong?"

"Aw, Momma", says Markabilly, "They don't know nuthin' at that ole school. The teacher's supposed to be talkin' math, but then she starts sayin' that 'pi r squared.' Shoot, Momma, any fool knows that pie are round, cornbread are squared."

:p :

Easy Drifter

4th April 2009, 05:45

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I will always have each other.

Markabilly is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.
He hasn't lost any weight, but BOY, can he climb trees.

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.

markabilly

5th April 2009, 00:46

"Aw, Momma", says Markabilly, "They don't know nuthin' at that ole school. The teacher's supposed to be talkin' math, but then she starts sayin' that 'pi r squared.' Shoot, Momma, any fool knows that pie are round, cornbread are squared."

:p :
This dude, no doubt a yankee or escaped convict or canadian (pretty much the same thing) is a fool and an insulting idiot, esp to be talking bad about me like that.
Dude opens his mouth and stuck his whole leg in it, cause as anybody knows, good cornbread is just as round as pie, and the only thing square would be his head because while the side of a square inside a circle would the square root of pi, pi r squared is merely a number that is irrational, yet equals the area of a circle as indefinite as the universe

and I could climb trees long before I started my new diet............

markabilly

5th April 2009, 01:52

then there was time that Taz, donKey and Easy went riding in the back of ole markabliiy's truck. Markabilly swerved to avoid running over a child who jumped out in front of him, and the truck went off the road into the lake.

markaboy got his window down and swam to shore, but those poor guys taz and Donkey and Esay nearly drowned before they managed to get the tailgate down.......

Then there was the time that Easy moved from his home when he read most accidents happen within about ten miles of one's home....but being real smart, he took his house numbers with him so wherever he moved, he would not have to change his address....

Then there was the time his mom locked her keys in the car...it took a locksmith to get poor easy out....

markabilly

5th April 2009, 02:04

Then there was the time the blond woman knocked on easy's door and asked "are you in?"
EAsy said, "Not yet, you have to wait until I can get the door open before we can start having sex....

markabilly

5th April 2009, 15:41

heard on the news last night that the police came and arrested Alexamateo for spying on his neighbors.....they caught him when the glass broke while Alex was trying to drill a peephole through his neighbor's window...

Easy Drifter

5th April 2009, 22:36

Taz has the body of a God.

It just happens to be Buddha!

donKey jote

5th April 2009, 23:14

markabilly was sobbing away burying his deceased cat in his garden
easy hears the tears pokes his head over the fence and says "hey you donkey, isn't that hole a bit big for a lil pussy?"
markabilly looks up and shrieks "it's inside your f***g dog! "

markabilly

6th April 2009, 01:36

[quote="donKey jote"]"hey you donkey, isn't that hole a bit big for a lil pussy?"
quote]

Those have been my words on many occaisions when dating girls who said they were virgins, and I remember your momma saying, "try not to dig it any bigger...........

Easy Drifter

6th April 2009, 02:58

Donkey rides into town on his ass and dismounted. He walked behind his mount and lifted its tail and kissed it right on its butt.
An old timer ( Markabilly) asked "What did you do that for?"
"I have chapped lips." said Donkey.
Then Markabilly looked at him and said "And kissing an ass on his butt makes them feel better, right?"
"No" said Donkey looking at Markabilly "It just stops me from licking my lips."

Easy Drifter

6th April 2009, 03:05

Post a joke in this thread and you are safe.
Take a shot at one of us nutcases in your post and you are fair game.!!!!!! :eek: :vader:

markabilly

6th April 2009, 03:15

Take a shot at one of us nutcases in your post and you are fair game.!!!!!! :eek: :vader:
or take a shot at me and pray that I don't know your momma

markabilly

6th April 2009, 03:18

"hey you donkey, isn't that hole a bit big for a lil pussy?"
"
speaking of momma, I remember asking your momma the same thing....and she said, dude that thing u got is still to big to fit..... :vader:

Easy Drifter

6th April 2009, 03:58

Uuumh. Mark slow down a bit or we will all be in trouble.
Our shots (ooops) at each other are fun.
I feel your last couple of posts are a little over the top. I think you know I am pretty loosey goosey. Remember my scalping knife is razor sharp and arrows make no sound.
Keep the jokes and fun shots going but please stay with humour.
If we get totally out of control this thread will be shut down.
There are a small group of us who take shots at each other with jokes and we all are cool with the nonsense although we might scare off some people.
You and I are a little demented at times but we both need to back off sometimes.

Now stand by for my next below the belt shot at you!!! HEH HEH HEH!!!!!!!

markabilly

6th April 2009, 04:10

yeah you are right....i will just stick to talking about your momma and ignore all those PMs from el donKey about my mrs....but donkey kissing donkey :love :o n his butt is a bit more perverted as it smacks of true animal lust as well as self lust..... :eek:

And the rest, if they are too scared to take a shot at a real target, good. Game is for the non-faint hearted who got to be able to take what they give, a quality that is missing in many in the racing forums.......this ain't like shooting bambi

Alexamateo

6th April 2009, 13:18

cause as anybody knows, good cornbread is just as round as pie......

Markabilly, please accept my apologies, I should have known that your family was too poor to afford square pans and that you had to eat your corn pone out of an iron skillet.

I should have known though, because I saw your momma kickin' a can down the street last week. I asked her what she was doin', and she said "Movin'!"

donKey jote

6th April 2009, 18:32

ignore all those PMs from el donKey about my mrs....
eh? I said I was SORRY, what more do you want? :s mokin:

I should have known though, because I saw your momma kickin' a can down the street last week.
Careful Alex, if she was wearing a paper bag it was his sister, and we know how worked up he gets about his missus :p : :bandit:

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

Captain VXR

6th April 2009, 19:59

Daniel walked into a building

You'd have thought that he'd see it

Captain VXR

6th April 2009, 20:21

Sweating like..............

a rapist on trial
a pedo in a playground
a fat kid on cross country
a pregnant nun
a scouser in Comet
an alter boy after mass
Tamburello in an exam
an African child whose village is being visited by Madonna
a turkey on Christmas Eve
a prostitute at church
a man at a feminist meeting
Paul McCartney getting divorced
an American at a geography test
Clarkson at an eco conference
Al Gore at an anti hypocrite meeting
Gordon Brown at an IQ test
a celebrity at meal time
G20 protesters
a conspiracy theorist

Easy Drifter

6th April 2009, 22:12

Woman's faults are many.
Men only have two.
Everything they say and everything they do.

Easy Drifter

8th April 2009, 15:22

donKey jote

8th April 2009, 19:38

Markabilly is still missing?

Last seen going into hospital with his missus on his head.
The doctor asked what happened.
His poor missus said "he got a bit carried away after reading his PM's"

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

HMypxPGBxA8

markabilly

10th April 2009, 18:45

DonKey, I do not know what you are talking about. Neither one looks anything like my sister or my brother bubba

Anyway;

An Easy, Tazio and donKey were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch.

Easy said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

Tazio opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time, I'm going to jump off too."

Donkey opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

Next day Esay opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. Tazio opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too.

Donkey opens his lunch, sees the bologna jumps and lands on his ass, resulting in the rare but painful "disappearing death".

At the funeral, Easy's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

Tazio's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him linguini or mastacholi! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."

Everyone turned and stared at el donKey vulture's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He made his own lunch."

Easy Drifter

10th April 2009, 21:44

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 and 6 year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour Thy father and Mother " she asked 'Is there a commnandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat young Markabilly answered 'Thou shall not kill."

markabilly

11th April 2009, 00:01

back on the ranch....

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 and 6 year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour Thy father and Mother " she asked 'Is there a commnandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat young Easy answered 'Thou shall not covet thy father's new wife."

markabilly

11th April 2009, 00:08

Easy Drifter

11th April 2009, 00:39

Markabilly has been married for 25 years.
His wife's method of birth control is to leave the lights on.

markabilly

11th April 2009, 02:34

Markabilly says, "Easy what makes you think you are a redneck?"
Easy says, " I got a home that is mobile and 12 cars that ain't..."

So Easy, why are you crying?
My home fell off it's cinder blocks and killed all 22 of my dogs.....

Easy Drifter

11th April 2009, 02:48

Three married couples arrive at the Pearly Gates at the same time.
St. Peter was awaiting their arrival and introduced himself.
St. Peter then asked the first couple their names.
'I'm Bob and this is my wife Penny' said the first man.
'I'm sorry.' said St Peter 'I am not allowed to admit anyone with a name connected to money.'
The next couple spoke up and said' I'm William and this is my wife Brandy.'
Again St. Peter was very apologetic as he said ' My deepest regrets but I am not allowed to admit anyone with a name associated with alcohol.'
The third man looked at his wife and said 'I think we may have a problem Fanny.'

markabilly

11th April 2009, 03:08

There was this lawyer named Alexattornycheatemandhowateo who died and got to the pearly gates. St peter says well, what have you ever done for your fellow man?
he thinks long and hard and shrugs his shoulder.
St Peter, starts giving him encouragment. Think of just one thing!!
He thinks long and hard and says, "Yes I remember at one Christmas, I once saw a homeless man named Easy shivering in the cold, it seems his old lady had hooked up with some trucker and left him, but hooked up the home on the trucker's truck and took off with both woman and home"

Says St Peter, "so what did you do?"
"I gave him an old blanket I just happenned to have in the trunk as it usually stayed in the garage for the dog...."
Peter: "so what you think it was worth?"
Alexattorneycheatemandhowteo: "well probably about a dollar.."
St Peter looks over his shoulder and says "WELL??"
This big booming voice comes back and says "Give him his dollar back and tell him to go to hell"

markabilly

11th April 2009, 03:41

Taz goes into a resaurant and notices there is a peel and win sticker on his coffee cup. So he peels it of, looks and starts yelling 'I've won a motorhome, I've won a motorhome.'
The waitress comes over and tells Taz 'That is impossible, sir as the biggest prize is a free lunch.'
Taz shakes his head and keeps yelling 'I've won a motorhome. I've won a motorhome.'
The manager comes over and says 'I am sorry sir. but you are mistaken. We do not have a motorhome as a prize.'
Taz insists 'No it is not a mistake. I have won a motorhome'.
He hands the ticket to the manager.
The manager looks at it and reads 'WINABAGEL.'

No mistake, I have the proof right here!!

The taz challenging for the lead, while the hamster eats his dust and exhaust fumes:

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/9/9b/OndiF1.PNG/300px-OndiF1.PNG (http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Image:OndiF1.PNG)

Tazio

11th April 2009, 04:18

Easy Drifter

11th April 2009, 04:34

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

I am not crazy. I have just been in a bad mood for 30 years.

And your crybaby opinion would be---?

When I want your opinion I will give it to you.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

markabilly

11th April 2009, 04:34

You should chose your words more wisely.....She has a great attorney.
Trust me :p :
And my thoughts are that you have more scars than necessary to prove that to be true....
mediocre joke? hey it is free just like the winabago...besides you know the characters I have to work with, is very limited
Besides as I have found out myself, ex-wives are too stupid to know much of anything or we would not have sent them packing, would we....and truth remains a defense

Easy Drifter

11th April 2009, 04:39

Markabilly's lawyer arrived at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted him and said. 'Welcome and come right in. You are the first lawyer to ever be admitted and a Saint at that!'

markabilly

11th April 2009, 05:15

How does one feel mixed emotions?
Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari

What is pure joy?
Watching your wife's attorney drive over a cliff in your new ferrari that he collected as his fee

What is pure out of this world, better than sex, ectasy?
Your ex-wife was the passenger

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, who do you shoot?
Shoot the lawyer twice.

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and everybody else thinks the jokes are true.

markabilly

11th April 2009, 05:33

It is unlawful to hunt lawyers using bait, dogs, salt, aircraft or while they are within 200 feet of a mercedes or beemer car dealership, or within 330 feet of someone else's car accident

Tazio

11th April 2009, 05:54

markabilly

13th April 2009, 03:08

A wise lawyer once observed another lawyer harshly criticizing someone in a bar. That person took umbrage and knocked the lawyer so hard that he went right to sleep.

Quietly and with proper air of authority, wise lawyer informed young lawyer upon his awaking from his deep slumber, that before criticising someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. In that manner, when you criticise them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

donKey jote

13th April 2009, 19:05

easy was stumbling home from his drinking hole one night when he came across markabilly crawling around on the sidewalk under a lamp post.
"holy jaysush billy I din't think yez were that pished -hic !"
markabilly steadies himself on all fours, looks up and goes "I'm not pished eashy bro'. I dropped me keysh trying to get in me housh quietly so as not to wake the tiny monshter."
easy says "but I thought you lived over there acrosh the street"
billy goes "I do but it'sh too bloody dark to find anyshing over there"

Easy Drifter

13th April 2009, 22:23

Donkey's note to his wife left on the refrigerator:

Someone from Guyana Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer was normal.

donKey jote

13th April 2009, 23:13

The Easy's go round to Billy's for dinner with his new missus. After eating, the witches leave the table and go into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and markabilly said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
Easy goes, "Oh yeah, what's the name of this restaurant?"
Markabilly knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his easy companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?
Easy replies, "A Carnation??"
"No. No. The other one" Billy says.
Easy offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"Nahhhh" growls markabilly... "You know the one that is red and has thorns."
Easy goes, "a rose?"
"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" ...
Billy then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

donKey jote

13th April 2009, 23:23

Easy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week Easy comes back. "Doctor," he says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Easy Drifter

15th April 2009, 06:47

Mary had a little sheep
And with this sheep
Mary went to sleep
And this sheep
Turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb

Camelopard

17th April 2009, 08:24

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Easy Drifter

17th April 2009, 10:29

Taz was driving down to chinatown to pick up his dry cleaning at 'Jimmy McDonald's' and was thinking that it was a bit of a strange name of a Chinese dry cleaning business.
When he arrived he asked the man behind the counter if he was Jimmy McDonald.
The owner replied 'Yep, I am Jimmy McDonald'.
Taz then asked if that was his real name.
The owner answered 'When I arrived in the US I lined up at the immigration counter. There was a man in front of me and when they asked for his name he spoke with a strong Scottish accent. He said his name was Jimmy McDoanald. When they asked me my name I said Sam Ting.'

Easy Drifter

19th April 2009, 06:17

Donkey returns from a trip feeling very ill.
He goes to the hospital where he undergoes a series of tests including one where he is sedated.
He wakes up in isolation after all these tests.
The phone beside his bed rings and he picks it up.
'This is your doctor and we have the results from your tests. You have a complicated disease called G.A.S.H. It is a combination of Gonorreah, AIDS, SARS and Herpes.' explains the doctor.
'Donkey exclaims "My gosh, what are you going to do?'
'Well, we are going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, Quiche, pancakes, Quesadillas and pita bread.' says the doctor.
'Will that cure me?' asks Donkey.
The doctor says 'No, but it is the only food that will fit under the door.'

markabilly

19th April 2009, 15:45

old easy was trying to put the make on his 14 yo female cousin...."sweetie, I just love those rosy cheeks and sweet eyes..."

She responds, "Easy, your teeth remind me of the stars"

Easy thinking he is making some time on making her, says, "Darling, is it because they are so white and shining.."

"No, because they sit next to your whig when they come out at night...."

markabilly

19th April 2009, 15:52

Taz along with his family were going to the dentist
'No expensive extras, Doctor,' Taz demands, 'No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Cost way too much. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.'
'I wish more of my patients were as strong minded and as brave as you, Mr Marsh, 'said the dentist admiringly.' Now, which tooth is it?'
Taz turns to his wife.
'Show him your tooth, honey.

taz still wonders why the wife got a divorce and his ferrari

Easy Drifter

22nd April 2009, 06:32

Poor Markabilly is really depressed.
He asked his doctor to write him a prescription for Viagara.
The doctor refused saying it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemmed building.

A new film of Romeo and Juliet is about to be made.
Juliet will be played by Paris Hilton.
Romeo will be played by the US 3rd Infantry.

Alexamateo

22nd April 2009, 13:54

Q: Why did they plant trees along the Champs-Elysees?

A: Because Germans like to march in the shade!

markabilly

22nd April 2009, 18:53

Q: Why did they plant trees along the Champs-Elysees?

A: Because Germans like to march in the shade!
when running like scared rabbits from the americans and brits

Alexamateo

22nd April 2009, 22:49

In 1979, Markabilly was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Markabilly approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Markabilly worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to Markabilly, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Markabilly stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Markabilly never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Thirty years later, Markabilly was walking through the zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where he and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Markabilly, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1979, Markabilly could not help wondering if this was the same elephant, so he summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Markabilly's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

markabilly

23rd April 2009, 00:36

markabilly

23rd April 2009, 01:06

when alexamatoewhateeverhis name is momma was carrying him as a yet to be born baby, she was the victime of a drive bye. The criminals fired a bunch of bulletes, two of which struck momma of alexamaeeowhathisname. Location being too dangerous to remove, the doc said the bullets can not be removed, so poor momma had the two kids wwith the warning that the two kids might expell the bullets at some future time.
the first child she named easy donKey and the second was alexawhateverits name.

the day came when easy donKey ran to momma and says he was peeing and this big lead bullet popped out.
momma said, don't worry easy, here is why the bulllet popped out.....

a couple of days later, momma hears a loud noise and her other son screaming bloody murder...momma I killed the dog!!!!

she rushes up and says, what happenned?

Little Alexamatwhathisname says, "momma, I was just playing with my little thing like usual and the next thing, I knew a bullet popped out and killed the dog when it hit him right in the head

Easy Drifter

23rd April 2009, 05:41

Little Taz's teacher asked him, 'Tazio give me a sentence using the words "bitter end" in it.
Little Taz thought and thought and finally replied, 'Our dog chased our cat and bitter end.'

markabilly

23rd April 2009, 13:30

then there was the time that the pope came to town and needed a ride around town

after a while, the pope said, been a while since i last drove, do you mind?
so Markabilly jumps in the back seat and off they go.

but a bit too fast cause police officer alexwhathisnameo pulls them over

alex is immediately all excited, saying on the radio, "Jeeass, I just pulled over a very big VIP!!!
who, the mayor?
No bigger
the president?
No bigger
who ???
Jesus

well calm down, who is it!
jesus, guys, i told you
He is sitting in the backseat and got the pope driving him

and now you all know why Pino does not even think about really messing with markabilly
if i could just teach him some decent manners about calling people "buddy"

555-04Q2

23rd April 2009, 15:16

A man, in jail for life after robbing a bank, gets a letter from his wife.

"Honey, when is the best time to plant a vegetable garden and who do I get to dig the ground up as the ground is so hard?"

The man, knowing his outgoing letters are screened for security purposes, replies.

"My dear, you cannot plant a vegetable garden in the back yard, that is where I hid the money."

A week later the man gets another letter from his wife.

"Honey, someone dug up the whole back yard! What do I do?"

The man replies.

"Now is the correct time to plant the vegetables."

Easy Drifter

23rd April 2009, 16:15

Children's Stories Written by Forum Members:

By Markabilly
Cat in the Hat Gets Whacked
Horton Hears a Who Beg for its Worthless Life
The Slaughter House at Pooh Corner

By Donkey
Harry Potter and the Suspicious Mounds of Dirt
Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea in Concrete Boots
Curious George and the Body in the Spare Freezer

By Easy Drifter
The Punk in the Trunk
The Little Chainsaw that Could
Peter Pain

By Taz
It's a Skill Saw Charlie Brown
Marvin K Mooney, Will you please Stop Twitching
Three Blinded Men

Easy Drifter

26th April 2009, 05:27

Newspaper Headlines

Trustees say "School Bus passengers should be belted."

Panda mating fails, veternarian takes over.

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years.

Never withold Herpes infection from loved ones.

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.

Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents.

Local high school dropouts cut in half.

New obesity study looks for larger group.

Chef puts heart into Feed the Needy campaign.

Deer kill 900.

Red tape holds up bridge.

Arson suspect held in fire.

Cold wave linked to temperatures.

Easy Drifter

28th April 2009, 00:48

Easy Drifter

29th April 2009, 04:13

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was told by the nurse to go into an exam room and wait for the doctor.
After arriving the doctorexamined the baby and asked the woman 'Is he breast fed or on the bottle'.
She replied 'Breast fed.'
'Well strip down to your waist.' the doctoer ordered.
She did.
The doctor pressed and pinched her breasts in a detailed examination.
After she dressed he said 'Well it is no wonder he is hungry, you do not have any milk.'
'Naturally' she said 'I am his grandmother but I am glad I came in.'

markabilly

29th April 2009, 06:37

Taz, Donkey and Markabilly were making a big batch of Chocalite chip cookies to munch on during the Indy 500 qualifications.
Taz was busy stirring the batter.
Donkey and Markabilly were really working hard squeezing the rabbit.

And why were they working so hard?
they could not keep pace with Easy who was doing such a great job taste testing

What did Markabilly do when his grilfriend started smoking?
He slowed down and used some lubricate

What is the difference between donKey and bonds?
bonds mature

Why don't women blink when Easy is performing foreplay on them?
They do not have time....

Why did Tazio's new bride smile as she walked down the aisle?
She knew she had given her last...err.... oral sex act

and why did taz smile when his new ferrari went over a cliff.....

Easy Drifter

30th April 2009, 01:22

Remember a pat on the back is only a few inches away from a kick in the butt.

donKey jote

30th April 2009, 21:38

Easy goes round to Markabilly's for his weekly bit on the side...
He says - "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
Markamissus tucks away the dollar bill and replies - "Well, you certainly succeeded."

steve_spackman

30th April 2009, 21:38

One day, three friends went to this "Gentlemen's Club." One of the friends wanted to impress the other two, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to them, and the one friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt.

Not to be outdone, the other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek.

Now the attention is focused on the third guy. He got out his wallet, thought for a minute... then got out his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door.

Easy Drifter

1st May 2009, 00:48

Doctors at a hospital in Boston recently transplanted material from a pig's brain to a man's brain. The man's brain did not reject it.
That pretty well confirms what women have been saying for years.

markabilly

1st May 2009, 04:36

Doctors at a hospital in Boston recently transplanted material from a pig's brain to a man's brain. The man's brain did not reject it.
That pretty well confirms what women have been saying for years.
what??????????
that pigs think with their little heads, too
learn sumptin new everyday

Easy Drifter

1st May 2009, 05:12

Markabilly took his car in the the garage with a complaint about a clunking sound when he went around corners.
The service writer duly noted this on a work order and handed it to a mechanic.
The mechanic took the car out for a test drive and went around a right hand corner and sure enough there was a loud clunk.
He then went around a left hand corner and again there was a lound clunk.
Back at the shop the mechanic looked into the trunk and soon discovered the problem.
He returned the work order to the service writer with the notation ' Removed bowling ball from trunk.'

Jonathan@USRT

1st May 2009, 06:46

markabilly

1st May 2009, 13:55

hahah :D
And after reading all the posts in this thread, Johanthumb finally found one he could understand

Easy Drifter

2nd May 2009, 05:04

Once upon a time, in a land far away a beautiful, independent princess happened upon a frog as she sat by a pond.
The frog hopped onto the princess's lap and said 'Elegant Lady, I once was a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into the dapper young Prince that I am. Then my sweet we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, have my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.'
That night the Princess dined sumptuosly on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs in a white wine sauce.

Camelopard

3rd May 2009, 22:19

School Answering Machine

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the ***** High School Queensland , staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine . This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Easy Drifter

4th May 2009, 03:16

Unfortunately only too true in Canada as well.
My next set of jokes will follow the same lines with true stories.
Not tonight though.

markabilly

4th May 2009, 04:36

Unfortunately only too true in Canada as well.
My next set of jokes will follow the same lines with true stories.
.

All of mine already have.

Camelopard

6th May 2009, 13:36

THE HAPPIEST FAIRYTALE EVER

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled lots, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled and felt and looked fabulous all the time.

markabilly

6th May 2009, 13:37

http://www.btinternet.com/~digital.wallpapers/desktops/the_shining.jpg

Easy says, I am home. Where is dinner, donKey?

"The real end"

Camelopard

7th May 2009, 10:05

The first testicular guard was used in Cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important

Camelopard

7th May 2009, 10:16

another from the same source as above:

They once said that a black man would be

President of the USA when pigs fly.

His first 100 days and Pig's flu!

Easy Drifter

12th May 2009, 15:43

After living in his own little world for years Markabilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked at it. Not knowing what it was he remarked "How about that. Here is a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture' but on his way home remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he then hung it in the barn and every morning before leaving for the fields he would go there and look at it.
His wife got suspicious of his many trips to the barn. One day after Markabilly left she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the mirror she fumed "So that is the ugly witch he is running around with!"

donKey jote

12th May 2009, 18:55

:laugh: :laugh:
I like barn jokes :p :
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

Roamy

13th May 2009, 16:10

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in
front of the White House,
he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes
and says: "Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs...these are
authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.

I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got
one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes
and says,"Excellent trade, sir."

EuroTroll

13th May 2009, 16:14

Not bad. :cheese: :laugh:

Easy Drifter

14th May 2009, 02:09

Donkey was leaning against a fence studying his crop when a car pulled up.
A city type govt. official got out and annouced he was from the County Dept. of Agriculture there to inspect the farm and crops for compliance.
Donkey slowly looked him over and said 'Well you can see all you need to from here.'
The self important official pulled out a wallet and shoved it under Donkey's nose. He announced 'This ID gives me the authority to go anywhere on your property and inspect anything and everything. Do you understand you old fool?'
Donkey looked over at the man and slowly nodded and then said 'OK, but I wouldn't go into that field if I was you.'
'I just told you I can go anywhere I want.' as he climbed the fence and started into the field.
A few minutes later there is a loud scream and the inspector is seen running as hard as he can for the fence with bull in hot pursuit. He yells to Donkey 'Help me. Help me.'
Donkey ambles over to the fence and yells 'Show him your ID. Show him your ID.'

Roamy

14th May 2009, 03:01

A US Ag Student is on exchange in Finland and he comes upon EKI the Farmer at his farm. He looks around and then approaches the EKI.

"How is everything here on your farm? Are you treating your animals well?"

"Yes," replies EKI, "very well."

"Great," says the US Ag Student. He looks over and sees a cow in the barn. "You mind if I ask the cow how you're treating her?"

"Cow no talk," says the EKI..

Regardless, the US Ag Student approaches the cow and starts chatting with it, asking it how things are going. "Well, he takes good care of me. He milks me every morning and keeps us in good pastures with good grass to eat. I'm doing just fine."

EKI.'s mouth is agape as he cannot believe what he is hearing! The US Ag Student returns to the EKI.'s side and asks, "How bout the horse? Can I chat with him about the farm?"

Again the EKI. replies, "Horse no talk." But the US Ag Student approaches the horse, asks him how things are, and the horse says, "Things are pretty good. EKI. brings me fresh hay every week and we go riding every Friday to check the fences. Not bad at all, very happy to be here."

EKI. nearly can't believe his own eyes and ears. He is scratching his head in bewilderment as the US Ag Student returns.

The US Ag Student says, "So, how about I talk to one of your sheep..."

EKI breaks in quickly, "Sheep lie! Sheep lie!"

Easy Drifter

15th May 2009, 00:55

Grandma and Grandpa were spending the weekend with their son and daughter in law. Grandpa was brushing his teeth when he noticed his son had a bottle of Viagara.
Smiling he asked his son if he could have one.
His son said. 'Dad I don't think you should take one, they are very strong.'
Grandpa said 'I know but I want to try one. How much are they?'
'Ten dollars each.' his son replied.
Grandpa only had a $50 dollar bill but was going to the bank.
He told his son he would leave a $10 dollar bill under his pillow that night.
The next morning the son found $110 under his pillow.
He said to his dad 'Dad I told you it was only $10. There was $110 under my pillow.'
Grandpa said 'That's OK. The other $100 is from Grandma.'

Firstgear

15th May 2009, 20:00

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, Why are you eating grass?
We don't have any money for food', the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, the lawyer said.
But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.
Bring them along, the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, You come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me.
Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.

EuroTroll

15th May 2009, 20:45

uMH5BqVTLvU

markabilly

16th May 2009, 17:33

markabilly

16th May 2009, 17:38

Dog rules (applies to children as well)
1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours

steve_spackman

16th May 2009, 17:45

EuroTroll

18th May 2009, 08:52

Back in the day...

An old Jewish emigree is interviewed by an Immigration Agency official.
- "How was it to live in Soviet Union?"
- "I couldn't complain."
- "And why did you leave then?"
- "Here I can complain!"

Easy Drifter

18th May 2009, 21:50

According to a survey in Housekeeping Magazine 85% of women think their bum is too big.
Another 15% feel their bum is too small.
The remaining 5% were quite happy with their bum.
And when asked they said if they had to they would marry them all over again.

Easy Drifter

19th May 2009, 22:38

Ma is in the kitchen doing the dishes when she hollers out 'Taz, you need to go out back and fix the outhouse.'
Taz repiles 'There is nothing wrong with the outhouse.'
Ma replies "Yes there is, now get out there and fix it."
So .... Taz mosies out the the outhouse and looks around and yells back 'There is nothing wrong with the outhouse.'
Ma replies 'Stick your head in the hole.'
Taz calls back ' I am not sticking my head in the hole.'
Ma yells ' You have to stick your head in the hole to see what is wrong with the outhouse.'
Taz sticks his head in the hole and looks around. 'Ma there is nothing wrong with the outhouse.'
Ma calls back 'Well pull your head out of the hole.'
Taz proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, lets out a yelp and starts yelling 'Ma Help!! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!!'
To which Ma replies 'Hurts doesn't it?'

donKey jote

20th May 2009, 20:16

:laugh:

Easy Drifter

22nd May 2009, 04:10

Ma Bell had a line cut so our whole Park has been without land lines and in my case the internet for two days.
Anyway here is a short one.

Married men should forget their mistakes.
There is no need for two people to remember the the same thing.

EuroTroll

23rd May 2009, 01:32

http://adweek.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/07/10/translateservererror.jpg

Roamy

23rd May 2009, 21:11

Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits andexhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (Ijust turned 50.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do yousmoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? Isaid, 'Not much.. my former doctor said that all red meat is veryunhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,or bicycling?''No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a sh!t?'

Easy Drifter

24th May 2009, 04:11

Markabilly is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm ok but I didn't like that 4 letter word the doctor used during surgery.' he answered.
'What did he say?' the nurse asked.
OOPS!

johnpeter

25th May 2009, 04:50

Doctors are threatening to go on strike.
Health Officials say they will be able to determine what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist to read the picket signs..

Easy Drifter

25th May 2009, 15:13

I had the swine flu.
I am better now.
I guess that makes me a cured ham.

Easy Drifter

29th May 2009, 17:42

The New England Journal of Medicine reports 9 out of 10 doctors agree 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

Easy Drifter

1st June 2009, 04:48

According to a recent marketing survey 32% of all diamonds are purchased right before Christmas.
Another 50% are purchased right after the test strip turns pink.

Easy Drifter

1st June 2009, 21:57

Politicians are like diapers. Both need to be changed regularly.
And for the same reason!

Easy Drifter

3rd June 2009, 18:07

Markabilly is in Spain and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two huge meatballs in the centre.
When the waiter asks him for his order Markabilly asks about the meatball dish.
The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles and when the bull loses the bullfight this beautiful dish is made.
Markabilly tells the waiter he wants this dish for dinner.
The waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought but he can order the dinner for tomorrow.
Markabilly agrees and returns the next day.
When the dish is brought out he notices the meatballs are quite small and questions the waiter.
The waiter replies 'Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins.'

Easy Drifter

5th June 2009, 03:23

You should not say anything about the dead unlesss it is good.
He is dead.
Good.

Easy Drifter

6th June 2009, 04:01

You do not need a parachute to skydive,
You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.

markabilly

6th June 2009, 14:31

"god is dead" said Nietzsche

"Nietzsche is dead" said God

Easy Drifter

8th June 2009, 18:08

Amtrack officials have invented environmentally friendly railroad crossing bells made from horse manure.
Instead of going 'ding ding ding' they go 'dung dung dung.'

Question: How do you get a man to do sit ups?

Answer: Put the remote control between his toes.

markabilly

9th June 2009, 13:25

There was the time that Easy's little rug rat wondered in on him and saw Easy naked...off to mom, goes the little rugrat, all upset, so mom explains "those are daddy's little balloons. When daddy dies, they get blown up and they carry him to heaven."

A few days later, rugrat is callin mom on the phone, in tears, and saying "come home quick"

Why?

"daddy's dying!!"

"Why do you say that?"

"Ms donKey from next door is blowing up daddy's balloons and he is hollering, God, I am coming!!"

Easy Drifter

9th June 2009, 15:36

OL' Markabilly's better 9/10ths had decided that they had enough children and told him to go to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Markabilly went to the doctor as his wife instructed. The doctor explained the procedure and told Markabilly it would cost $2000.00.
Being the cheap sod he was Markabilly asked the doctor if there was any cheaper method.
The doctor told Markabilly to go home and get the biggest firecracker he could. He was then to light it and count to ten.
Markabilly didn't really understand how that could work but followed the instructions.
He lit it and began counting on his fingers. 1,2,3,4,5 at which point he put the firecracker between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Donney

9th June 2009, 19:45

A conversation between Easy and markabilly (if I may):

Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Little old lady.
- Little old lady who?
- I didn't know you could yodel.

markabilly

10th June 2009, 02:53

A conversation between Easy and markabilly (if I may):

Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Little old lady.
- Little old lady who?
- I didn't know you could yodel.

and I did not know that old Easy was a little old lady who could yodel....among her other talents with her mouth

markabilly

10th June 2009, 03:33

The new kind of driver in F1 and why Easy and the rest of us old farts would never, ever make it...

http://forceindiaf1.com/images/adrian_image.jpg

http://forceindiaf1.com/index/page_id/859

markabilly

10th June 2009, 12:47

well, maybe Tazio would fit right in......

Easy Drifter

11th June 2009, 03:14

Once upon a time a female brain cell ended up by mistake in Taz's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
'Hello' she cried "is there anyone here? She called out a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled 'HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?'
Then she heard a voice from far, far away 'Hello! We are down here....'

Easy Drifter

11th June 2009, 18:19

And now folks I give you the joke of the year---------
Nay the joke of the Century--------------

EKI

schmenke

11th June 2009, 18:57

Drifter had not studied for his final exam because he had been up all night with MkBilly watching The Bridges of Madison County, so he was understandably nervous. Since it was a true-or-false exam, he figured his best shot would be to simply flip a coin to determine the answers.

Within 30 minutes he finished the exam and sat back to relax while the rest of the class kept sweating out the answers. However, during the last few minutes of the exam period he began franticaly flipping the coin again and became visibly distraught.

The instructor, concerned about Drifter's irregular behavior, stopped by his desk and asked if he was ok.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Drifter said. "I finished the exam a half hour ago, but I'm going back through it to check my answers."

Camelopard

11th June 2009, 23:45

And now folks I give you the joke of the year---------
Nay the joke of the Century--------------

EKI

A few weeks ago it was Wade, ED you really need to get out more.....

As for my joke:

the Australian Cricket team.

Easy Drifter

12th June 2009, 00:58

Schmenke having given up trying to eliminate pigeons is discovered by his wife stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter.
"What are you doing?" she cleverly asked.
"Killing flies." he responded.
"Oh, killing any?"
"Yes. 3 males and two females." Schmenke responded.
Intrigued his wife asked "How can you tell?"
"It's easy. 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Camelopard

12th June 2009, 03:03

Pinched from somewhere else.

The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition.

Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand.

Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole

Bludgie: a partner who doesn't work, but is kept as a pet

Dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact

Fair drinkum: good-quality Aussie wine

Flatypus: a cat that has been run over by a vehicle

Mate: all your flat mate's belongings, lying strewn around the floor

Shagman: an unemployed male, roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity

Yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans

Busher: a pretentious drongo, who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub

Crackie-daks: 'hipster' tracksuit pants.

And for the Kiwis amongst us:

Shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep.

Easy Drifter

14th June 2009, 13:47

Health officials have scolded General Mills for claiming Cheerios lowers your cholesterol by 10%.
In a related story Capt'n Crunch has admitted he lied about his military record.

Easy Drifter

15th June 2009, 06:15

Signs you need a new car

Your mechanic charges you a 'pain and suffering fee'.
The speedometer only goes up to XV.
The wood paneling on your station wagon peeled off and revealed some downright hideous wallpaper.
The only thing on your dash that still functions is the 8 track player.
An Amish man shouts 'Perchance the time is nigh to upgrade thy wagon.' as he passes you in his horse and buggy.
Tires by Firestone, Brakes by Flintstone.
The 'Cheque thine engine soone' torch keeps igniting.

555-04Q2

15th June 2009, 10:37

How do New Zealand farmers find their sheep in long grass?

Very satisfying!

donKey jote

15th June 2009, 20:50

Markabilly always orders lamb straight from said New Zealand farmers for his missus.
She can't get enough of the special gravy.

emporer_k

16th June 2009, 20:00

If Jenifer Lopez is J-Lo

And Lindsay Lohan is Li-Lo

What does that make Pete Docherty ?

Easy Drifter

17th June 2009, 00:23

Astromoners have discovered two black holes 5 billion light years away that are sucking up everything in their path.
They have named the black holes 'Revenue Canada 1' and 'Federal Spending 2'.

Roamy

17th June 2009, 00:36

President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is
playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy?'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.' 'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says Little Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a f---ing accident either.

Easy Drifter

18th June 2009, 00:30

HOW MATH LESSONS HAVE CHANGED THROUGH THE YEARS

Teaching Math in 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production was 4/5th of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production was $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math in 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals and the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of his way of making a living? Topic for class discussion after answering the question. How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math in 2009
Un hachero vende una carretada $100. El costo de la producciones es $80.