Lonelyhearts

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Is it a good idea to tell a good friend that you have feelings for them when she is already in a relationship?

Recently she has been spending more time with me than with her partner, which is nice. But I've fallen for their charm, and now I'm trying my best to avoid them, which is difficult because I also work with them.

Why can't things be simple :?: :rolleyes:

[Daniel]

Is it a good idea to tell a good friend that you have feelings for them when she is already in a relationship?

Recently she has been spending more time with me than with her partner, which is nice. But I've fallen for their charm, and now I'm trying my best to avoid them, which is difficult because I also work with them.

Why can't things be simple :?: :rolleyes:
I think the only person who knows the answer to this us you Jon :)

Only you will know if it's what she wants to hear.

If she wants to be with you then yes you should tell her how you feel. But if she doesn't want a relationship with you then you'll only complicate things.

Be sure that she has feelings for you before you go telling her you have feelings.

[Powered by Cosworth]

She's in the relationship, let her decide when she wants to tell you how she feels and potentially end it with her partner.

Hints will speed up the process ;)

Main thing though, don't get your hopes up too much (I know how hard this can be), 'cause if it all goes tits up, you feel like you've lost everything.

[maxu05]

I agree with both Daniel and Cosworth. You must find out if she has feelings for you, but, don't mistake friendship for romantic feelings. If you blurt out feelings for her before knowing how she feels, it may destroy your friendship, and make it very uncomfortable at your work as well. I hope it all goes well for you mate.

[jso1985]

depends if her partner can kick your butt or not :p

seriously, as posted before, only you can know that, and also only you can know if it's worth the risk of ruining a frienship

[pino]

Is it a good idea to tell a good friend that you have feelings for them when she is already in a relationship?

Recently she has been spending more time with me than with her partner, which is nice. But I've fallen for their charm, and now I'm trying my best to avoid them, which is difficult because I also work with them.

Why can't things be simple :?: :rolleyes:

Ask her why she does spend more time with you than with her partner, tell her that it's "dangerous" for both of you (if you know what I mean) That will force her to show/tell you how she really feels about you ;) And remember don't wait too long to find out that, because you will be the one who will suffer the most, in case she's just playing with you. Yes women loves to do such things, it did happent to me a couple of times too...

Good Luck mate :)

Is there someone you both know that you could sound out without giving too much away. Maybe just mention that you and ? get on really well, and they might give you some feedback if she said anything about liking you more than just as a friend. Good luck.


(and ignore my signature in this case)

[Brown, Jon Brow]

I think that I'm just going to tell her that I don't think we can spend as much time together. This way I will slowly get over her or she will tell me if she really wants to be with me.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

depends if her partner can kick your butt or not :p



That's not really a problem at all ;)


I think that I'm just going to tell her that I don't think we can spend as much time together. This way I will slowly get over her or she will tell me if she really wants to be with me.

[Rudy Tamasz]

I'd say it depends on how strong a feeling you have for her. If you feel like you really love her (whatever love means for you) then go ahead and take your chance. But if it's just a temporary fascination, just stay away from her. Friendhip, romance and working relations in one box, it's all too much. It can turn into an ugly mess.

[Azumanga Davo]

If his name is Gonad Crusher Gilroy, best avoid. :eek:

[leopard]

Those already in relationship have sufficient experience and better know-how their tasks. You do not need to teach her.

[GridGirl]

I'd keep quite. By saying something it will only end in tears..

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Well she seems happy in her relationship, I'll have to let it go.

[veeten]

There you go. Good man. :)

[Rollo]

Is it a good idea to tell a good friend that you have feelings for them when she is already in a relationship?


Two points here:
1. If you have "feelings" for her, you need to work out what those feelings actually are.
2. If it is something of note, I'd like you to think about the impact on her life and what the implications are for her first, before you. This may require being a lot unselfish.

As an aside? How long are you prepared to wait? The answer to this question may also be an indication of what you feel as well.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

We had a chat and its pretty clear that we are just going to be friends. I don't know if I'm disappointed or happy that I now know.

[BDunnell]

We had a chat and its pretty clear that we are just going to be friends. I don't know if I'm disappointed or happy that I now know.

Whether you're disappointed or happy, it's certainly best.

I have been in a situation in the past involving fancying a friend who didn't share the attraction and then got into other relationships of their own, and it wasn't pleasant, but if you're really good friends then you can get through it, even if it's difficult. I wish you all the best, :)

[dc10]

I feel I must add my twopennyworth here. I have been in similar situations several times in the past and, from a female point of view, in my experience close friendships between opposite sexes are rarely possible without incurring horrendous complications and usually end in tears for somebody.
My advice is back off and carry on with your life. In the future, her relationship may collapse and you may get together if fate decrees it sotospeak.

[Breeze]

I MUST DISAGREE STRONGLY!!! Tell her you want her to be your girl! Wimping out will get you nowhere, ever! To hell with the other fellow. Too bad, so sad for him if you come out the winner. Grow a set, be a man and make her yours! In the inimitable words of Jack Palance, CONFIDENCE IS SEXY!

If it blows up in your face, so what? You took your best shot.

[MrJan]

I attempted this once whilst very, very drunk (in fact I barely remember it). Our friendship was pretty much instantly ruined and I was all depressed for a bit. But after an epic night out on the vodka, at the end of which I fell asleep in the street and was woken up by a policeman, I had a moment of clarity. She didn't actually believe me when I said I was over it but eventually realised that I was.

As we were in a group of friends who spent a lot of time together she eventually started talking to me again and we're still friends (although having left Uni only see eachother about once a year). It sounds like a poncy line from a rom-com but a decent friendship will be fairly strong to last through the s***. As for regrets, I've had a few but this ain't one of them.

[Mp3 Astra]

It has to be said, if I was the guy who was unaware of this situation, and to find out when the girl says (in other words) "well, you've been superseeded by some other bloke, ciao, catch you later", I'd be pretty pissed. I try and put myself in every possible person's situation to work these things out.

In addition, if she has given no proper, honourable, justification for you to steal her away from him, you probably shouldn't. If she was planning to break up with him anyway, then it would be more justifyable, but if not then it's just a bit rude.

This is my slant on the world, and of course having not been in the situation (but having seen some pretty crap results when people around me have done it) I can't be wholly right. But I'm pretty sure my answer is morally sound :D

[Drew]

BJB it's always better to know that it would never work than to wonder what if. Although that's only true in the long run :p :

[Zico]

I MUST DISAGREE STRONGLY!!! Tell her you want her to be your girl! Wimping out will get you nowhere, ever! To hell with the other fellow. Too bad, so sad for him if you come out the winner. Grow a set, be a man and make her yours! In the inimitable words of Jack Palance, CONFIDENCE IS SEXY!

If it blows up in your face, so what? You took your best shot.

Having a conscience (sp?) might stop you stealing much in life but it doesnt make one any less of a man... thats just an excuse for justification on your part.

Im with Mp3 Astra on this one.. Kudos to you mate.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

I MUST DISAGREE STRONGLY!!! Tell her you want her to be your girl! Wimping out will get you nowhere, ever! To hell with the other fellow. Too bad, so sad for him if you come out the winner. Grow a set, be a man and make her yours! In the inimitable words of Jack Palance, CONFIDENCE IS SEXY!

If it blows up in your face, so what? You took your best shot.

I don't think this would work at all. Girls like what they can't have.

We spend time with each other nearly every day so if something more was going to happen between us it would already have done, I think. I'm just going to continue enjoying having a good friend and enjoy being footloose.

[Breeze]

Having a conscience (sp?) might stop you stealing much in life but it doesnt make one any less of a man... thats just an excuse for justification on your part.

Im with Mp3 Astra on this one.. Kudos to you mate.
Human beings are not chatel. Therefore, they cannot be stolen. Respecting the life and property rights of others make one a better person and the world a better place. Sacrificing your values for the sake of another makes one a contemptible altruist not worthy of the reward. My justification for making the effort is the achievement of one's goals.


I don't think this would work at all. Girls like what they can't have.
Girls desire that which they value most. That they think they can't have what they value most is merely an indicator of how little they value themselves. The same goes for men. B,JB, consider that you don't think yourself more worthy of this girls affection than the fellow she's currently with. If you did, you would already have made this known to her. Then too, maybe he is more worthy than you? Is he more intelligent? Does he work harder? Does he have higher goals? Has he achieved more? Is he more honest? Does this girl value any of these things? Do you, B,JB?
Just a bit of food for thought. My main point stands, which is that your rival's "feelings" should not be part of the equation.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Girls desire that which they value most. That they think they can't have what they value most is merely an indicator of how little they value themselves. The same goes for men. B,JB, consider that you don't think yourself more worthy of this girls affection than the fellow she's currently with. If you did, you would already have made this known to her. Then too, maybe he is more worthy than you? Is he more intelligent? Does he work harder? Does he have higher goals? Has he achieved more? Is he more honest? Does this girl value any of these things? Do you, B,JB?
Just a bit of food for thought. My main point stands, which is that your rival's "feelings" should not be part of the equation.

This fellow guy is a girl. The girl I am friends with identifies herself as bisexual.

[leopard]

cool, you needn't have asked any advice from us ;) :p :

[Jag_Warrior]

This fellow guy is a girl. The girl I am friends with identifies herself as bisexual.

Well, I certainly didn't see that one coming! :eek:

Maybe you could develop a closer "friendship" with both girls. ;)

Come on now. If I hadn't said it, five other people would have! :s mokin:

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Shocking