Indiana Oaf And The Hedgerow Of Doom

[oily oaf]

So what I really need is Burberis, Gorse, Poison Oak, Lantana, Christ's Thorn, the one that begins with "P" and few cuttings from Race's Poison Ivy to make the planting process much more enjoyable than would normally be the case

Sorted!

[Jaws]

Wait Pops!!

I've got it - Bouganvillia. Grows faster than a teenage boy's pecker at a Spice Girls concert, has large thorns, but has nice pretty pink flowers to lure the unsuspecting. Just the other day, Mrs Jaws got her bikini caught on the Bouganvillia that surounds our pool and it clean ripped it off much to the delight of Jawsy and our Blue Healer "Warnie". We both rushed to lick the wounds. Rotten mutt.

It is so effective that I am now planting it inside the house.

[Hawkmoon]

But will the lantana eat the local "chavery"? That remains to be seen.

I hadn't considered this. It is entirely possible that the lantana bush does indeed have a more refined palate and will not lower itself to such levels.

I will throw a few bogans (local equivalent of the chav) to the lantana and observe the results.

[Hazell B]

Calling Hazell, can you advise me please about when, how , wheres best to plant a couple of plum trees.

If they're in pots, any time you like. If they're bare rooted, now. Don't know about pollenators for plums, so no idea if they'll produce fruit between them - the labels should say. I don't handle fruit trees unless they're specifically ordered and even then I have to get advice from the guy who grows them originally :

Bouganvillia might be a bit big and too sweetly scented for Oily's needs. It's lovely stuff, but not seen here very often as it hates our weather.

[oily oaf]

If they're in pots, any time you like. If they're bare rooted, now. Don't know about pollenators for plums, so no idea if they'll produce fruit between them - the labels should say. I don't handle fruit trees unless they're specifically ordered and even then I have to get advice from the guy who grows them originally :

Bouganvillia might be a bit big and too sweetly scented for Oily's needs. It's lovely stuff, but not seen here very often as it hates our weather.

Go to your room Jawsie
Listen mate I had Bougainvillea(SP) growing outside my apartment when I spent a year in Lisbon and I swear there wasn't a thorn in sight.
Maybe the OZ version is a bit more macho than it's somewhat effeminate European counterpart mate

It's a lovely bit of stuff I'll give you that but as my personal gardener points out I can't see it staying the course in London's polluted environs

PS I actually spotted a group of chavsters standing perilously close to my beloved wall on Sunday afternoon and gently pointed out what my course of action would be should I spot them in the vicinity again.

As they shuffled disconsolately away with hooded heads bowed I got the distinct impression that I'd made myself crystal clear

[donKey jote]

Oily, forget the hedge and get yourself a few plant pots with carrots for your front window sills.
When you spot the chavs, remove the carrots and place them on your bedside table , grab the plant pots, take aim and hurl

[race aficionado]

just be sure you hurl the plant pots and not the pot plants.

and carrots on your bedside table are an open invitation to a known burrito in this forum. . . . which is an OK thing.
Just keep him off the poison ivy - only a nibble will sufice.

mokin:

[Hazell B]

... carrots on your bedside table are an open invitation to a known burrito in this forum. . . . which is an OK thing.

I was going to offer a Raiders of the Lost Park pun, but now with race aficionado's post I feel The Lads Crusade might be more fitting :

[Jaws]

Aw shuck Pops, off to my room again. I promise to be good this time