Relationship advice

[The Black Knight]

Interesting situation and congratulations for finding a nice girl

*Agony Aunt bit*
My advice would be to take things slowly for now. Enjoy each others company but don't go jumping in two footed and decide to move in with each other just yet. How old are you mate if you don't mind me asking? She sounds like a lovely girl and you should be as honest as you can without making her feel she can't quite live up to your ex. These things take time and soon enough your life will revolve around her rather than thinking about the past. Time is a healer after all.

Make sure you both have your own space on nights throughout the week so its more exciting when you are together. You probably also don't need to be told this but wrap it up for now as you don't want extra pressure too early on lol. I say that because a dear friend of mine who is also 30 and should know better got a girl pregnant within the first 2 months of their relationship. Forced them to move in too soon and they've had quite a testing first year. Just be cool, honest and enjoy the honeymoon period.

Thanks man. I'm 31, nearly 32. My word, seems only like yesterday I was answering that question and I was 23

I'm totally on board with everything you said there. We were in a lot of contact there between Saturday and Monday so I toned it down over the last two days, just because I don't want to be jumping into anything. She seemed to tone it down at the same time as well which was a good thing so I feel we both have a good balance of where things are at. She's away for the week now and next week I'm going to London for a few days then to Israel a few weeks later, so we'll have plenty of time apart and not be in each others pockets by any means. I guess I'm concerned that I'm getting into something to soon.

And, yes, I always wrap up, haha.

PS: My original post should have said my ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago not 7 months. Too late for me to edit it now though. D'oh!

[henners88]

Well it sounds to me like you are going at a sensible pace to be honest. I'm sure you'll be dying to see each other by the end of this week and then when you come back from London and then Israel. The question of whether you are moving on too soon is only really something you can answer. Has your ex moved on yet? As has been said above there would have been a reason why you split and 7 months seems like a decent amount of time to think about the next stage of your life IMO. What you don't want is too let things cool down with this girl and then she finds someone else and you then have the regret you didn't seize the opportunity when you had her interest. I've been there and done that and that can hurt too. There's nothing worse than craving a bit of female company and then not having it. I'd just enjoy yourself and mention you don't want to rush things just yet. She might feel exactly the same way and doubt she's looking at wedding dresses on the sly lol. I know a lot of people our age are settling down, getting married and thinking about kids. Myself and most of my friends are in that position right now. Not saying time is running out or anything, don't panic! But you don't want to be regretting things a few years down the line.

[henners88]

PS: My original post should have said my ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago not 7 months. Too late for me to edit it now though. D'oh!

Ahhh. I can see why you might think things are being rushed. How long had you been seeing each other?

Oops just read a couple of years! I'm mis-reading things now lol.

[The Black Knight]

Well it sounds to me like you are going at a sensible pace to be honest. I'm sure you'll be dying to see each other by the end of this week and then when you come back from London and then Israel. The question of whether you are moving on too soon is only really something you can answer. Has your ex moved on yet? As has been said above there would have been a reason why you split and 7 months seems like a decent amount of time to think about the next stage of your life IMO. What you don't want is too let things cool down with this girl and then she finds someone else and you then have the regret you didn't seize the opportunity when you had her interest. I've been there and done that and that can hurt too. There's nothing worse than craving a bit of female company and then not having it. I'd just enjoy yourself and mention you don't want to rush things just yet. She might feel exactly the same way and doubt she's looking at wedding dresses on the sly lol. I know a lot of people our age are settling down, getting married and thinking about kids. Myself and most of my friends are in that position right now. Not saying time is running out or anything, don't panic! But you don't want to be regretting things a few years down the line.

Actually it is 8 weeks ago today that we broke up. We were going out for two years broke up just before the second anniversary. I have no idea what my ex is doing. I'm not going to contact her, nor do I wish for any contact. She went into a "depression" and that's basically what caused the end of our relationship. I still don't fully understand what went on to be honest, but I have accepted that it is over and that I'll never find answers to those questions. I don't bear her any ill feeling which is important for me so as I don't carry that into my next relationship.


I'm dying to see her, the new girl, now but I know it's better to wait for the weekend, at least, and see what happens then. I have done the let them slip through my fingers thing a few times as well and learned my lesson for that. I feel I've struck a good balance thus far. I'm not bothered about settling down, especially since the thought of having kids has never been high on my list of priorities but that doesn't mean I'm going to mess up a good opportunity either!


Marriage for you soon mate?

[Tazio]

And, yes, I always wrap up.

Glad to hear you have the good sense to laminate
My advice; whatever you do don't over-analyze this relationship. If someone gets hurt that is the breaks of the game. Be honest, and generous, but above all remain true to yourself.
Oh yea if it’s not too late try not to spill your entire guts to her until you have a serious commitment. There is strength in mystery.

[EuroTroll]

Oh yea if it’s not too late try not to spill your entire guts to her until you have a serious commitment. There is strength in mystery.

That's certainly true, too. Like Humphrey Appleby, never answer a question that hasn't been asked.

[henners88]

Actually it is 8 weeks ago today that we broke up. We were going out for two years broke up just before the second anniversary. I have no idea what my ex is doing. I'm not going to contact her, nor do I wish for any contact. She went into a "depression" and that's basically what caused the end of our relationship. I still don't fully understand what went on to be honest, but I have accepted that it is over and that I'll never find answers to those questions. I don't bear her any ill feeling which is important for me so as I don't carry that into my next relationship.

Sorry to hear things ended up like that. My brother was in a similar position with a girl who developed depression and he ended the relationship after trying everything to help his girlfriend through it. She went from a gorgeous, life and soul of the party sort of girl, to a girl who got home every night and ate until she was sick. She put on so much weight and wouldn't accept help from anybody. Sad as the family loved her. They've both moved on, but my brother moved on a lot quicker than her obviously.

I'm dying to see her, the new girl, now but I know it's better to wait for the weekend, at least, and see what happens then. I have done the let them slip through my fingers thing a few times as well and learned my lesson for that. I feel I've struck a good balance thus far. I'm not bothered about settling down, especially since the thought of having kids has never been high on my list of priorities but that doesn't mean I'm going to mess up a good opportunity either!

Well I think you are doing everything right so far. Sounds like you are both on the same page and things will move naturally. In my experience most women get to a certain age where they start to demand babies. Not that you need to worry about that yet but it will most likely come lol. Just enjoy it and go with the flow

Marriage for you soon mate?

I've been with my partner for 9 years and we got married in 2010. Children to follow very soon hopefully

[airshifter]

I would say for one keep the honesty factor on the table, and you've done a good job at that. Make sure both of you talk things through and are aware of what the other is dealing with and expects.

But at the same time, slow things enough to make sure you are doing the right thing. If you are still thinking about the anniversary with your ex there is something lingering... it's up to you to figure out what it is.

I'd also say think of your new relationship in friend terms. If you don't think you could be good long term friends that help each other, share, hang out, etc., then most likely the physical attractions won't overcome that. In short, few people will have a "booty call" that lasts for decades. But friendships can, as well as long term relationships.

[gadjo_dilo]

In my experience most women get to a certain age where they start to demand babies.

????!!!!?!???!!!!!!

[Malbec]

My conclusion was that if I broke up with somebody, that was for a reason. If I try to renew a romantic relationship, same problems are likely to surface yet again.

That depends on the situation I think.

It may well be that you've both had time to mature, she's been able to sort out some of her charming idiosyncrasies while you've been able to iron out some of your deep seated personality flaws. If you haven't also lost what made you a good partnership in the first place things could be very different and better the second time around.