A New Era For Sport

[Andrew Webster]

Due the dramatic climax that the BTCC is heading for at Silverstone, most major sports will be adopting a new era of rules and regulations for next year:

Football: Any team in one of the top 4 positions of the league can only play with 10 men until they drop out of the top 4. Teams in the bottom 4 can play 12 men.

F1: Any driver leading the championship will run narrower tyres to make sure they dont run away with the title mid way through the race calendar.

Athletics: The fastest runners must wear increasingly heavy shoes until parity is reached and everyone crosses the line together.

Snooker: no breaks of over 50 are allowed, when 50 is reached play passes to the other player to build up dramtic finishes to each frame.

Darts: The highest seaded players must stand further away from the dart board.

Golf: Any player completing a round under par will use heavier balls for the next round. ball weight will be proportional the the number of strokes under par the player went.

Boxing: Boxers who train harder, develop thier skills and strength will be rewarded by wearing additional weights on their wrists to slow them down and must stick their chin out at regular intervals.


Mr Plato will be sports personality of the year.

[Eurotech]

In fairness my school used to do that, the fat kids used to get a head start on everyone else in the cross country run....... a head start that lasted all of about 20 seconds.