I will probably be banned for this but... Footie Thread

[anfield5]

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised tonight you can call The Manchester United Crisis National 24 Hour Helpline on 1800 10 10 10.

That's:
1800 Won-Nothing, Won-Nothing, Won-Nothing.

Di Maria is an idiot. Firstly thinking that he can cheat a result by diving, then handling a referee. vanGaal should bite the bullet and get rid of a poor investment.

[anfield5]

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised tonight you can call The Manchester United Crisis National 24 Hour Helpline on 1800 10 10 10.

That's:
1800 Won-Nothing, Won-Nothing, Won-Nothing.

Good to see you are in top form Rollo

[Storm]

[Rollo]

Good to see you are in top form Rollo

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And don't forget to tip your servers.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

The Liverpool FC manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, the manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.' 'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.' The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.' 'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum, 'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!

[anfield5]

The Liverpool FC manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, the manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.' 'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.' The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.' 'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum, 'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!

Oooh them is fighting words!! Did they have the wheels on their car nicked? If not it wasn't Liverpool!!

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Oooh them is fighting words!! Did they have the wheels on their car nicked? If not it wasn't Liverpool!!

"And you'll never get a job
You'll never get a job
Sign on sign on
With hope in your heart"

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Goal for Schalke!!!!

[anfield5]

"And you'll never get a job
You'll never get a job
Sign on sign on
With hope in your heart"

The best parody of YNWA first appeared a few years ago at Scum (ManU) they replaced You'll Never Walk Alone with 'You'll Never Win F$%K All" - very clever especially for a bunch of in-bred Manchunian yokels

[pino]

Real down 1-2 after first half