Golf Clubs - WTF??!!

[Hazell B]

After foolishly saying I may take up golf last week, I've been given a set of clubs in a nice leathery bag (with fluffy club covers to keep them cosy!) and a huge collection of white dimpled balls. I never knew people were so glad to give away stuff like this .... so will make sure to tell everyone next week that I fancy taking up polo, driving Aston Martins and wearing diamonds :

Anyway, I don't know what's what in this golf bag. Any advice (other than forget it, of course) would be handy.

There's Woods 1, 3 and 5, Irons 3-9, a putter and two that say 'P' and 'S' on them. Is the S one a sand wedge, or am I making that term up?

There's no way I'm taking to the links, so don't worry if you play in the Yorkshire area and fear for your skull with me thrashing about. It's just to waste time on my own fields and perhaps confuse the chickens when I hit a ball their way

[MrJan]

I don't golf but P is pitching wedge and you are right with sand wedge. Woods are for tw**ting it a long way (the lower the number the further is a basic rule I think so 1 is your proper driver, 3 will still send it a long way and 5 is for shorter drives). Irons are more about placement and the number varies according to how much loft or distance you want. 3 will be relatively little lift but long distance (less than a 5w though) and 9 is to bung it up in the air.

Try going to some lessons at a local range, lots of places do little courses which work from how to hold the club, how to form the swing etc. One of my mates did one and found it fairly good I think.

Personally though I would throw out everything apart from a 9 iron, and the woods and just spend time at the driving range. That way you avoid the walking, looking for balls and having to put the thing in the stupid little hole. I have only one club (3 wood) which stays in the boot of my car should I ever want to thwack a few buckets of balls out the driving range

Cue Schmenke et al with their genuine golfing nonesense rather than my 'I watch the open sometimes' idiot mind :

[inimitablestoo]

Dear oh dear oh dear. You'll never get anywhere if you don't know the terminology. For starters, they're called golf bats... :

[Donney]

I like the idea of I may take driving Astons up....

[Easy Drifter]

Golf: A pastime for people with too much time on their hands.
Hitting a chunck of rubber with assorted clubs all over a cow pasture trying to put the chunck of rubber in a gopher hole.
I have several irons in the fire. I just gave up golf!

[veeten]

... and now, with helpful golf hints, here's fousto. :

[schmenke]

Did someone say "golf"?

Hazell, probably the best advice I can give you is to avoid golfing like the plague. Most novices are genuinely surprised at how adictive it is. Once you start, and learn the basics, it can consume you. There's a reason why it's the world's most popular outdoor leisure sport.

A bit of starter advice if you're really curious: Go out to a driving range a few times with someone who has a fair idea of how to swing a club (note, you don't "hit" a ball, you "swing through it" ). Try it out a few times and see if you might want to give a local course a go, starting perhaps with 9 holes .

Practice with the "short" irons (the ones with the higher numbers) first, as you will be spending far more time swinging these than the woods .

[Dave B]

Play on the Wii, that way you can stay nice and warm indoors and nobody scoffs at your trousers.

[Hazell B]

Dave, are you saying that they'd snigger at my turning up to play real golf in riding breeches, wellies and a paint-splattered Primark T shirt? Well, I never

Thanks for the wise words, everyone.
If I've time tomorrow I'll forget riding the horse and instead bash some balls about in the paddocks (oo er!). I need not worry about losing the balls as I was given hundreds and the dogs are eager to join in anyway, bless them. Reporting back to you lot will the painful part ......

[Roamy]

Hazel - Be very afraid - Be very afraid

guy is playing golf with his wife. tees off and hits her right in the head and kills her. during the autopsy the doctor says " I am very sorry. Here is your topflight ball that was embedded in her skull." Then the doctor says " but I do have one further question - i found a titleist ball up her ass" The man said "Oh that was my mulligan"